SATURDAY, MARCH 28, 2026
We have a question for you: You'll have to forgive us for our minor activity today.
We're looking ahead, starting Monday, to (as Lincoln had it) "a task greater than that which rested upon Washington." Also, how can a person hope to keep pace with the moral and intellectual squalor which now stirs the drink of this failing nation's imitation of a public discourse?
We speak as someone who watched the angry, fantastically bungled first segment of last night's Gutfeld! show. But also, as someone who watched the children pretend to question President Trump on Thursday's edition of The Five, in an imitation of an interview which lasted 46 minutes.
As we noted yesterday morning, the children's attention spans were notably short that day. As we noted, it fell to Jesse Watters to ask the session's fourth question.
By now, attention spans were almost spent. This was the best he could do:
WATTERS (3/26/26): But let me ask you about Iran. You've kind of suggested that we'd knocked out Ayatollah Junior. Have we—and did the CIA tell you that Ayatollah Junior is gay?
Is "Ayatollah Junior" gay? It seemed to be the only question the famous fellow could conjure.
Question 6 came from Greg Gutfeld. Inevitably, it concerned himself:
GUTFELD: Mr. President, let's shift onto some other topics. I'm debating whether to be serious or not serious.
I'm gonna be not serious!
[...]
You know, you're doing the White House Correspondents Dinner for the first time, and you're gonna get a 10. Why wasn't I asked to do the roast?
It was the best he could manage. (We think we've correctly transcribed the part about the president getting a 10.)
(We've edited out an interruption, in which the president asked if "Sleepy Joe" could have handled an interview session like this one. The children chuckled and agreed that he never could have done it!)
Lincoln headed off from Springfield, hoping to save the nation. As in The Sixth Sense, so too today:
Has the death of the nation already occurred, but we just don't know it yet?
Special bonus question: Question 9 came from Dana Perino. By now, the charade was splayed out for all to see. This is what she asked:
PERINO: Hi, it's Dana again, and I have a kind of pop culture question for you.
So I'm new to New York, relatively speaking—so, fifteen years—and there's all these young people across America are watching Love Story, which is the story of JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette. And I'm curious:
Did you know JFK Jr.? And do you have any nostalgia for the 90s?
Other questions were even more pointless. Are these the death throes we've chosen?
Stop the presses!
ReplyDeleteA TDH exclusive!
Fox News serves as an entertainment channel for Republicans looking to get emotional comfort!!!
Who knew?
Trump, in public remarks: “I hang out with losers because it makes be feel better. I hate guys that are very, very successful and you have to listen to their success stories. I like people that like to listen to my success.”
ReplyDeleteTrump hangs out with losers because we all like to gravitate to folks on the same level as we are.
DeleteI'm no negotiating expert, haven't even skimmed The Art of the Deal, so maybe someone out there can explain why it's a good idea, in the middle of a vital negotiation, to publicly describe your opposite side as "desperate" and "begging" for a deal?
ReplyDeleteI know this must be helpful, in some way, I'm just drawing a blank as to how.
That’s just Trump playing M-Theory chess in eleven dimensions.
DeleteThe idea of Trump playing chess is humorous.
DeleteActor Richard Gere on Trump : “We have a president who’s not only crazy, he’s a dark presence. And it’s happened so quickly. Six months, he’s almost destroyed our country.”
ReplyDeleteYep. And the Republican Party is letting him do it
Is our country really destroyed? Here's what destruction looks like
Delete-- Being overrun with illegal immigrants
-- Being hit with an Iranian nuclear weapon
-- In a depression
-- Inflation back up to a Biden-like 9%
-- Crime exploding
-- Riots in our cities
Go take a flying fuck, dickface.
DeleteNone of the above is remotely true.
Delete-We need immigrants to grow the economy and pay your SS and Medicare benefits.
-Iran's nuclear weapons were "obliterated" by Hicseth nine months back
-After the shock of COVID subsided Biden handed off inflation under control, tens of millions of jobs gained, and unemployment steady at 4% target for years; and what "The Economist" called the world's strongest economy.
-Crime was totally under control after COVID jump
-What riots? Name one jagoff
Also too, Biden didn't start WWIII.
DeleteIt’s alright, David gets a little bitchy when people speak the truth about his orange Jesus
DeleteWhat really bothers me is the utter unreality of comments like "Trump almost destroyed our country” or "Iran is winning the war." No reasonable analysis could reach these conclusions. The level of dumbness caused by TDS frightens me. The scary part is that these statements are repeated so often that many people believe them.
DeleteI would compare the irrational hatred and disdain for Trump with a bigot's irrational hatred and disdain for some ethnic group. In other words, I am subject to antisemitism and TDS. Both affect me similarly.
What really bothers me is dickhead trump lickspittles lying every damn day
DeleteIt pales in comparison to Obama and his ilk.
DeleteThe side that wants the war to end is typically the losing side. The US wants the war to end. Iran is not permitting it to end. From that standpoint, they're winning.
Delete"I am subject to antisemitism..." No, people don't like you. Maybe you aren't comfortable in your skin. Hence, you have called yourself a Jew and an atheist at various times. Maybe people don't like trolls who can't figure out what stories to tell about themselves.
DeleteLiving in California and worrying about being hit by an Iranian nuclear warhead is the kind of paranoia that one might encounter in an 80+ year old male worried about being raped by his condo association's Mexican landscaper. Maybe build a bunker. We'll let you know when it's safe to come out.
DeleteTrump knows. Democrats screwed up Iran, Viet Nam, Afghanistan and every thing else! Dems screwed up everything.
DeleteHector - The US may want to end the war, but I don't see evidence that the US wants to end the war. The US has offered to negotiate on terms that amount to an unconditional surrender. There are indeed people in the US who want to end the war, both liberals and some conservatives. But, the Administration has not said that they want to end the war, except on their terms.
DeleteDemocrats are fascists and yes they’re all communist sympathizers. Democrats marched to free Maduro, they marched when the ayatollah was killed, they had a speaker in Philly saying he hopes American soldiers come back from Iran in body bags and the crowd cheered. Dems are sick. They only care about trans rights and pornography.
DeleteIn every poll that I am aware of, since the start of this illegal war, the American people have, by a wide margin, stated emphatically that they want no part of it. The US has spoken, and they are not supportive of the Trump regime on this matter.
DeleteDemocRATS forget if you're not part of the problem, you're part of the solution.
DeleteKash Patel told Swoozie Kurtz that this war should be wrapped up in the next 4 weeks. And Trump has personally negotiated with Czechoslovakia to send in 200 of their best soldiers. So let's not rush to judgment.
Delete@1:06 - Was international law violated when Iranian proxies killed 241 U.S. Marines in Beirut? Is it your understanding of international law that others can attack Americans but American can't fight back?
DeleteSo this war is us fighting back...against what happened 43 years ago?
DeleteHector, that was only one incident. There's been an ongoing series of situations where Iranian proxies attacked and killed Americans. Not to mention, torturing, raping and kidnapping Americans, as they did in the Oct 7 atrocities. And, almost every week, Iranian proxies attack our close all, Israel. Surely a country has the right to fight in support of its allies.
Delete"...series of situations where Iranian proxies attacked and killed Americans."
DeleteThe most prominent of these occurred during the invasion of Iran's neighbor, Iraq, in which Iran armed Iraqis who were resisting the US invasion.
If China invaded Canada, would the US have the right to arm Canadian resistors?
As for October 7, that was part of an ongoing and mostly one-sided struggle between Israel and the Palestinians. You seem to think we are obligated to jump in and help Israel in this conflict because they are our 'ally'.
How does being Israel's ally benefit the US?
Hector, that was only one incident.
DeleteSo why the fuck did you bring it up, you fucking fascist freak? 43 years ago had fuck all to do with the fabricated excuse of a nuclear weapon
@11:50 - that incident illustrates the character of the Iranian regime. Sadly their character has not improved since then. Iran is still committed to "Death to America" in both word and deed. I do not want a regime explicitly committed to my death to have nuclear weapons. How could one disagree with this?
DeleteIs that the same regime that Ronald Reagan gave missiles to, dickface?
DeleteWhat if they don’t want us to have nuclear weapons?
DeleteThank god the orange jesus is in charge here. The countless nights I spent worrying about being killed by Iran are over.
DeleteDeath to David in Cal would save a lot of wasted time around these here blog comments.
DeleteThe US regime has no problem with Russia helping Iran kill our soldiers and blow up billion dollar AWACs. In fact the US regime has rewarded Russia for helping to kill our soldiers by dropping Russian economic sanctions. Do go on Dickhead the flaming idiot.
DeleteNo fucking kings, dickhead
ReplyDeleteCrickets from Somerby about No Kings. The NY Times said there were thousands of marches nationwide. Period, end of story.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile Elon is joining Trump on his phone calls with foreign leaders. Why?
"LEXINGTON, KY (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly “apoplectic with rage” on Saturday after a tiny crowd showed up for his heavily-publicized “Pro Kings” rally.
ReplyDeleteAn advance team led by Eric Trump had scheduled the event at Lexington, Kentucky’s Kroger Field, a stadium with a 61,000-seat capacity, but later engaged in what was called “an orgy of finger-pointing” after only 17 people turned out.
Taking to Truth Social, the elder Trump called the minuscule Pro Kings crowd a “total disgrace,” adding, “Especially this year, when we’re celebrating the 250th anniversary of the last time we had a King!”
John F. Kennedy's book, "Profiles in Courage" celebrates elected officials who did what they believed was the right thing for the country even though it was unpopular. Today, the war in Iran is unpopular. Nevertheless, Trump is courting unpopularity today by doing what he believes is the right thing for the country. If JFK were still alive and writing a sequel, Trump would be one of the heroes featured in the book.
DeleteAre you sure King Orange Chickenshit didn’t write that, dickface?
DeleteTrump and the Trump family corruption are off the charts. Trump lies, almost every time he speaks. He tried to steal the 2020 election. He stole and probably shared top secret documents with foreign entities. He should be impeached, not celebrated.
DeleteTrump absolutely would not appear in such a book but the earliest never-Trumpers might, along with John McCain.
DeleteIt’s bad enough the orange turd stole the Kennedy Memorial Center, now dickheads want to steal Profiles in Courage award. There’s something seriously wrong with you maggots.
DeleteThe other day I heard that Epstein’s close friend and lawyer Alan “I kept my underwear on” Dershowitz declared that if Trump had been alive in the thirties, the Holocaust never would have happened. I also understand that if Trump were around in 450 AD , Attila the Hun never would have invaded the Roman Empire.
Sheesh
Bullshit Dickhead. The fucking orange weirdo thought a rally around the flag war would be good for his popularity, and has nothing to do with security. As you know, we are less secure now . But keep clicking those heels, the magic will come back any day now.
Delete1:04 History as imagined by Zionists.
DeleteTrump's Marie Antoinette's "Let them eat cake" moment:
DeleteCBS - "The White House dismissed the nationwide protests as the product of "'leftist funding networks'" with little real public support."
"'The only people who care about these Trump Derangement Therapy Sessions are the reporters who are paid to cover them,'" White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson said in a statement."