Terrible swiftness expected: Reports swirled through Washington last night, in which President Paddock is preparing to weild his terrible swift sword.
According to these unconfirmed reports, Paddock became extremely angry this week when a namesake in Las Vegas seized the bulk of the nation's attention. As a result, he ordered the generals to prepare additional plans in which he could make use of his own more extensive weapons.
According to unsubstantiated reports, President Paddock has vowed to make Stephen Paddock's recent attacks seem like "the calm before the storm," a puzzling throw-away line from a recent press avail.
Rumor holds that one early strike will bring "fire and fury" down on City Hall in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Reportedly, the president has also asked for the coordinates of any such statues as may exist of the angel Moroni, who he describes as "the Robert E. Lee of the Mormon faith," apparently using the words of Lawrence O'Donnell to fantasize about Mitt Romney.
In anticipation of the firing of Generals Kelly and Mattis, Harvey Weinstein has agreed to produce a documentary film about Paddock's second year in office, "McMaster and Commander." In the widely-anticipated film, the role of General Kelly will be whimsically played by Lisa Bloom, making her big-screen debut.
Strikes on several NFL stadiums are said to be planned for this Sunday at exactly 1:02 PM Eastern. After a frantic phone call from former CEO Rex Whatshisname, Exxon has hurriedly moved its world headquarters to the basement of West Virginia's famed Greenbriar resort. (Exxon has agreed to share space with the world headquarters of Nordstrom.)
Breaking! Even as President Paddock was reportedly making these rumored moves, TV entertainers continued to focus on easier targets. Consider Rachel Maddow's report last night on Steve Mnuchin's airplane rides.
According to a recent report, Mnuchin has taken seven flights on military jets during his months of service to President Paddock. Forgetting to use her "number words," the TV star "limned it like Lawrence" at the start of last night's show:
MADDOW (10/6/17): Meanwhile, in the Trump administration, military resources continue to make news for other reasons as the New York Times reports today that Treasury Secretary and top Trump fundraiser Steve Mnuchin has charged taxpayers more than $800,000 for him to fly on military aircraft since he was sworn in as secretary of the treasury.Maddow never used the well-known number word "seven" to characterize the number of flights Mnuchin has taken. Making her story that much better, she said the actress-lovin' candy man had traveled on military jets "multiple times, many multiples of times."
He's not in the military, he's the Treasury Secretary. But still, taxpayers have played $800,000 for him to travel multiple times, many multiples of times, on military jets, which have apparently become his preference.
Shortly after Secretary Mnuchin withdrew his request to have the taxpayers pay for a military jet to take him on his European honeymoon with his new bride, shortly after that, you will recall that Mr. Mnuchin did famously take his new bride on a military jet on the day of the eclipse to Fort Knox, Kentucky. Secretary Mnuchin said he needed to inspect the gold at Fort Knox.
She failed to note that other major officials, including Senator Mitch McConnell, took that same famous flight to Fort Knox. As we predicted in yesterday's post, she didn't tell viewers that the inspector general report she was citing said there was no indication that Mnuchin-and-them had gone to "KY", and we don't mean the jelly, in order to scope the eclipse.
At The New Yorker, Janet Malcolm cheered. We'll have much more on Malcolm's apparent breakdown, and by extension that of our failed liberal elite, starting Monday morning.
Might we note another fact you weren't asked to confront last night? The fact appeared in Friday morning's Washington Post, in this news report about the flights of Secretary Elaine Chao:
HARWELL AND LARIS (10/6/17): The Transportation Department’s ethics counsel has approved all of Chao’s government flights, which underwent a similar cost analysis, McInerney said. Past secretaries, she added, have used the government planes far more often: Anthony Foxx, Chao’s predecessor and a nominee of President Barack Obama, flew on government jets on 116 trips from 2013 to 2017. Foxx did not immediately comment.Oof. Chao has taken seven non-commercial flights. Her predecessor, who wasn't appointed by Paddock, took 116 such flights!
On our favorite TV shows, we're allowed to enjoy reports about the number of flights They have taken. We're also constantly led to believe that We never did such things back before We skillfully managed to give Them all the power.
These entertainment functions continue, with Malcolm's enthusiastic blessing, even as Paddock reportedly prepares for his rumored strikes, according to several sources who have been granted anonymity because they were trembling like the dogs in ASPCA ads.
Vice President Pence has said he doesn't know what "storm" the president may be planning. In an unrelated remark, he has also said that he's finally willing to dine with Ivanka alone.
Coming Monday: In The New Yorker, Janet Malcolm describes her nightly Cialis high. BREAKING:
There really is no sensible way to deal with our liberal world's ongoing breakdown. If we're willing to see the world clearly, all we have left is the jokes.