BREAKING: President Paddock prepares to use sword!

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2017

Terrible swiftness expected:
Reports swirled through Washington last night, in which President Paddock is preparing to weild his terrible swift sword.

According to these unconfirmed reports, Paddock became extremely angry this week when a namesake in Las Vegas seized the bulk of the nation's attention. As a result, he ordered the generals to prepare additional plans in which he could make use of his own more extensive weapons.

According to unsubstantiated reports, President Paddock has vowed to make Stephen Paddock's recent attacks seem like "the calm before the storm," a puzzling throw-away line from a recent press avail.

Rumor holds that one early strike will bring "fire and fury" down on City Hall in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Reportedly, the president has also asked for the coordinates of any such statues as may exist of the angel Moroni, who he describes as "the Robert E. Lee of the Mormon faith," apparently using the words of Lawrence O'Donnell to fantasize about Mitt Romney.

In anticipation of the firing of Generals Kelly and Mattis, Harvey Weinstein has agreed to produce a documentary film about Paddock's second year in office, "McMaster and Commander." In the widely-anticipated film, the role of General Kelly will be whimsically played by Lisa Bloom, making her big-screen debut.

Strikes on several NFL stadiums are said to be planned for this Sunday at exactly 1:02 PM Eastern. After a frantic phone call from former CEO Rex Whatshisname, Exxon has hurriedly moved its world headquarters to the basement of West Virginia's famed Greenbriar resort. (Exxon has agreed to share space with the world headquarters of Nordstrom.)

Breaking! Even as President Paddock was reportedly making these rumored moves, TV entertainers continued to focus on easier targets. Consider Rachel Maddow's report last night on Steve Mnuchin's airplane rides.

According to a recent report, Mnuchin has taken seven flights on military jets during his months of service to President Paddock. Forgetting to use her "number words," the TV star "limned it like Lawrence" at the start of last night's show:
MADDOW (10/6/17): Meanwhile, in the Trump administration, military resources continue to make news for other reasons as the New York Times reports today that Treasury Secretary and top Trump fundraiser Steve Mnuchin has charged taxpayers more than $800,000 for him to fly on military aircraft since he was sworn in as secretary of the treasury.

He's not in the military, he's the Treasury Secretary. But still, taxpayers have played $800,000 for him to travel multiple times, many multiples of times, on military jets, which have apparently become his preference.

Shortly after Secretary Mnuchin withdrew his request to have the taxpayers pay for a military jet to take him on his European honeymoon with his new bride, shortly after that, you will recall that Mr. Mnuchin did famously take his new bride on a military jet on the day of the eclipse to Fort Knox, Kentucky. Secretary Mnuchin said he needed to inspect the gold at Fort Knox.
Maddow never used the well-known number word "seven" to characterize the number of flights Mnuchin has taken. Making her story that much better, she said the actress-lovin' candy man had traveled on military jets "multiple times, many multiples of times."

She failed to note that other major officials, including Senator Mitch McConnell, took that same famous flight to Fort Knox. As we predicted in yesterday's post, she didn't tell viewers that the inspector general report she was citing said there was no indication that Mnuchin-and-them had gone to "KY", and we don't mean the jelly, in order to scope the eclipse.

At The New Yorker, Janet Malcolm cheered. We'll have much more on Malcolm's apparent breakdown, and by extension that of our failed liberal elite, starting Monday morning.

Might we note another fact you weren't asked to confront last night? The fact appeared in Friday morning's Washington Post, in this news report about the flights of Secretary Elaine Chao:
HARWELL AND LARIS (10/6/17): The Transportation Department’s ethics counsel has approved all of Chao’s government flights, which underwent a similar cost analysis, McInerney said. Past secretaries, she added, have used the government planes far more often: Anthony Foxx, Chao’s predecessor and a nominee of President Barack Obama, flew on government jets on 116 trips from 2013 to 2017. Foxx did not immediately comment.
Oof. Chao has taken seven non-commercial flights. Her predecessor, who wasn't appointed by Paddock, took 116 such flights!

On our favorite TV shows, we're allowed to enjoy reports about the number of flights They have taken. We're also constantly led to believe that We never did such things back before We skillfully managed to give Them all the power.

These entertainment functions continue, with Malcolm's enthusiastic blessing, even as Paddock reportedly prepares for his rumored strikes, according to several sources who have been granted anonymity because they were trembling like the dogs in ASPCA ads.

Vice President Pence has said he doesn't know what "storm" the president may be planning. In an unrelated remark, he has also said that he's finally willing to dine with Ivanka alone.

Coming Monday: In The New Yorker, Janet Malcolm describes her nightly Cialis high. BREAKING:

There really is no sensible way to deal with our liberal world's ongoing breakdown. If we're willing to see the world clearly, all we have left is the jokes.

41 comments:

  1. Utter bullshit, Bob. The Las Vegas massacre has been covered, in real time and ongoing. Rachel is allowed to cover other stories too, no? That you think the flights of the cabinet secretaries are a trivial matter shows how deep in the woods of your own body-snatched brain you are. Bob Somerby, the curmudgeon. If the media doesn't beam the story daily into our collective brains, I guess we can smugly blame them for their uncaring ways and exonerate ourselves from caring. Nice gig you've chosen for yourself,Bob. Blame others, praise yourself, while not showing much concern for the gist of the stories.

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    2. Where in the "bullshit" you so artlessly babble of here does Bob praise himself, pray tell? And you see no irony, whatsoever, in the juxtaposition of the 116 versus 7 figures Bob highlights? You have well and truly drunk deeply of Rachel the Krazy Klown's Kool-Aid.

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    3. Hey, there, Mr. Unknown, take a chill pill. You're in for a LOT more criticism of Somerby, believe me. Perhaps you need to examine the Kool-Aid YOU'RE drinking, man.

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    4. 116 vs 7. If Maddow thinks she's going to score points for the Blue Team it's obvious she hasn't thought it through. She's either lazy or politically tone deaf. It's a shame the corporate powers-that-be have chosen her, a certifiable lightweight to be a major face of liberal opinion.

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    5. Thanks, all you very concerned readers who care deeply about liberal causes, although somehow, I'm not convinced.



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    6. That's 116 over 4 years. Not a comparable time period. How many in Foxx's first 6 months?

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    7. Unknown is quite the hater. He flies off the handle at the slightest critique of Somerby. He thinks Somerby is infallible. He also displays a great ugliness when he reveals his true heart. It's a very cramped, bitter thing. I suspect he's not a liberal, and I suspect he feels Somerby shares his apoplectic hatred of liberals. Too bad Somerby often gives him a reason to think so.

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    8. @10:04, Maddow is ineffective and unwatchable. Does that mean I'm not a genuine liberal? Is that what it hinges on?

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    9. @10:36 That's "only" 116 times I'll have you know. How the hell can you pretend to be outraged over something, when your side did the same thing 116 times? Do you really think if you were to pro-rate it, and your opponents were on pace to do the same thing 120 times, that you have a strong moral argument? Enough to feign outrage? Of course not, you look like a fool. THINK!

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    10. Anon 3am, Price is gone because of his private jet fiasco. His predecessor took no such flights. Mnuchin's behavior is way outside the line. There are many more Secretaries doing the same thing...it's part of a pattern with this administration. If you think what they are doing is OK, so be it. But this defense of "but they did it too" is ludicrous. And unlike you, I don't view this through a partisan lens; the behavior of these people is just wrong.

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    11. Anon 2:47: "Maddow is ineffective and unwatchable. Does that mean I'm not a genuine liberal? Is that what it hinges on?"
      Your opinion of her is irrelevant. Somerby shouldn't make unfair criticisms of her, regardless of her value. You also have no idea what my opinion of her is.

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    12. "But this defense of "but they did it too" is ludicrous. And unlike you, I don't view this through a partisan lens; the behavior of these people is just wrong."

      In that case, let's start with prosecuting clowns of the Obama administration. Surely their patterns are easier to analyze over 8 years, than Trump's over 8 months, n'est-ce pas?

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    13. "let's start with prosecuting clowns of the Obama administration."
      Sure, Mao. Go for it. I would suggest gathering evidence first, and then bringing charges in a court of law. Perhaps Republicans should have spent the last 8 years doing just that. Or did they? And they just couldn't find anything ? Anyway, sure...let "us" start that.

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    14. How many times have Putin and Medvedev flown on government planes?

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    15. @7:49 Somerby's criticisms of Maddow are perfectly valid, right? I mean, she's completely unlistenable, right? Other than you taking to a blog to defend her, I don't know, or care what your opinion of her is, right? I mean, please don't criticize dearest Rachel, right?

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    16. Putin and Medvedev raised the standard of living in their country 10 fold in 15 years, so no one care if they flew on a dozen planes each 24 hours/day every day.

      And in the US, real wages of the bottom half of the population haven't increased since 1973. And that is the main reason of all this mind-boggling bullshit.

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    17. "is, right? I mean, please don't criticize dearest Rachel, right?"
      Way to miss the point AGAIN, Anon 3:27pm. It's OK -- do you hear me -- OK to criticize Maddow, or anyone else. I don't care one way or the other about her. I'm calling out Somerby for UNFAIR criticism. He mocks her for covering the plane ride stories, while (supposedly) neglecting other (in Somerby's view) more important stories...my point is that this IS an important story, she did cover all of the other stories that Somerby mentions, and every other news organization, including Fox, is covering the plane stories. He lets his dislike of Maddow lead him into unfair criticisms of her. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll know that Somerby has devoted dozens (maybe hundreds?) of posts to taking down Maddow ...that's fine, but seems a bit excessive to me, given that there's plenty of pundit malfeasance out there, both left AND right. And as for your contention that she's "unlistenable": I have no opinion on that. Many do not feel that way.

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    18. Mao: "Putin and Medvedev raised the standard of living in their country 10 fold in 15 years, so no one care if they flew on a dozen planes each 24 hours/day every day."
      While amassing unimaginable wealth stolen from the working classes in Mother Russia. Odd to see someone defending that. And you'd better check your facts, Mao...not everyone in Russia is down with Putin. Can Russians freely voice dissent against Putin, like we (still) can against Obama or Trump? And, we would like to at least try to slow or turn back the tide of the US becoming a kleptocracy. But we aren't being helped by Supreme Court decisions like Citizens United (enacted by conservative SC members).
      And Mao, if all of this is just bullshit anyway, why does it matter if Obama officials did it too, as you claim? I still think you need to wait to see the results of Trump's "policies" to see if the bottom half really gains. I predict no changes...however, I predict massive gains for the kleptocrats, including Trump.

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    19. That's nice, comrade Mao. Give Putin another 100 years or so and maybe he'll get the standard of living up to where it was in 1973 in the US.
      I'm sure he can make it that long, it's a little easier when you can just have your opposition assassinated.
      How's the old autocrat doing, now that the price of oil has taken such a nose dive? Not too good I hear. Oh well, I'm sure he'll get those pesky sanctions lifted any day now.

      Russia Quality Of Life Indicators Worse Than China's

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    20. Mao's gallant defense of his Kremlin paymasters continues ..

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    21. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

      Yes, I forgot: the true democracy is only where demos hate the guts of their rulers, count their plane trips, and overwhelmingly disapprove their performance and the direction of country.

      Places where demos actually trust and support their leaders are pure Hell on Earth. Sor-ry...

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    22. ...and btw, China, having been growing at ~8%/year on average since the 80s, is, indeed, another great example of competent management.

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    23. The Russian people are a great people, Mao. Great writers (Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Turgenev, Chekhov), composers (Tchaikovsky, Prokofiev, Shostakovich). The sacrifices made by the Russian people turned the tide against Hitler. And they have suffered under the tyrannies of the Tsars, Stalin. It would be sad if they have to suffer that fate again. (And again, the δῆμος in Russia is far from unanimous in their approval of Putin.)
      And by the way, I support closer ties with Russia. But why not Iran, even N. Korea too? Why always have this basket of "enemies?"
      Look, America is far from perfect. Liberals acknowledge this and work for improvement. You can mock this and lump all libs into some "neoliberal globalist" faction, but that's just not true. I sincerely believe that Trump and the Republicans are going to take us in the wrong direction. Time will tell.

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    24. Whoa, this anon is soooo nice and thoughtful; soooo sincere and patronizing.

      "You can mock this and lump all libs into some "neoliberal globalist" faction"

      Thank you for your kind permission: this is exactly what I'm planning to do.

      "...but that's just not true"

      Tsk. I hate to disagree with this incredibly thoughtful anon, but - according to my humble observations - these days, I'm afraid it is.

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    25. Please do not drink the Draino, Mao.

      Signed,

      The Neo-liberals

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    26. That bad, eh? Sorry about your horrible experience.

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    27. "That bad, eh?"
      it's not THAT bad, really. It's just that we know better than you about what you should be ingesting. If we had our way, the citizens of the United States would get prison time as punishment for ingesting Draino.
      Make sure Hannity and Limbaugh are aware of this., please. We need them to help the liberal cause.

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    28. You do sound like you drank a quart of Drano, dear: making no sense at all. I'm worried now.

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    29. At the slightest pushback from the liberal thought-police here at TDH., Mao buckles under to the neo-liberals.
      Anti-Establishment my ass!

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  2. "If we're willing to see the world clearly, all we have left is the jokes."

    True that. However, the joke's on you as well, with your ongoing breakdown of 'he must be insane'/Paddock thingy.

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  3. Bob seems to have aspirations to become a great satirist like David Brooks. Learching towards unreadable....

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    1. "lurching" idiot.

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    2. Too soon for jokes about Paddock.

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    4. Paddock murdered 59 people
      Trump says things that are not PC


      To me, these do not look equivalent.

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    5. David in Cal,

      Since 2002 a U.S. president would be pulling down the average whenever he hasn't been responsible for killing 59 innocents in a month.

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  4. Bob you should really do something about those hallucinogens in your tap water.

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  5. Bob watches too much TV. It's damaging his brain.

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  6. This blog has become an incoherent, unfocused stream of useless forgettable junk--just like the billionaire owned mass-media.

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