SATURDAY: No one will ever ask these lowlifes...

SATURDAY, MARCH 13, 2026

...why they behaved as they did: No one will ever ask the children why they did what they did. 

Also, no one will ever report or discuss the remarkable fact that these very bad boys and girls went on TV and did it!

We refer to the way the children behaved on Tuesday, March 3—first on The Five, then five hours later on Gutfeld! In fairness, they behave like clowns every day of the week, but their behavior this day was remarkable, even for them.

Even for pigeons like "Tyrus" and Timpf! They're two of the very naughty youngsters to whom we make reference this day. One last time, let's call the roll:

The Five panelists: Tuesday, 3/3/26
Emily Compagno: co-host, Outnumbered
Jessica Tarlov: twice-weekly punching bag
Jesse Watters: host, Jesse Watters Primetime
Dana Perino: co-anchor, America's Newsroom
Tyrus: former professional "wrestler"

Gutfeld! panelists: Tuesday, 3/3/26
Tyrus: former professional "wrestler"
Kat Timpf: comedian
Greg Gutfeld: host
Dave Landau: comedian
Mike Benz: Foundation For Freedom Online

Nine (9) naughty children in all! No one is ever going to ask them why they did what they did. 

No one will ever ask Timpf why she said the things she said. No one will ever ask the blowhard Tyrus why he was on the nation's most-watched "cable news" program even though he didn't know the first f*cking thing about the events of four and five days before.

By now, it has been eleven days since Timpf said the things she said. She has never corrected, apologized or explained. 

Along with all the rest of these mugs, she has never explained why she acted like something amazingly seamy had happened—when in fact, it just plain never did.

These mugs are never going to explain. Last night, the one guy even got permission to go ahead and say this:

GUTFELD (3/13/26): And finally, the new supreme leader of Iran said they will obtain compensation from America.

In a gesture of good faith, Trump offered his five biggest cows:

[PHOTO, the five co-hosts of The View]

AUDIENCE: [Laughter, hooting, applause]

There! After weeks of self-denial, saying that felt really good!

Back to Tuesday March 3! No one will ever report what those "Unrecognizables" did. You won't read about it at The Atlantic, or in the New York Times.

No columnist will note what they did. Everyone knows that it just isn't done—that the Fox News Channel's actual friends are the posers in Blue America who enable its grisly procedures.

Meanwhile, an interesting moment, or set of moments, occurred in Bill Clinton's deposition on Friday, February 27. Before we show you the relevant text, let the word go forth to the nations:

As every sane person must know by now, Attorney General Bondi has been refusing to obey federal law with respect to "the Epstein files." 

The release of those files has been unlawful. Also, it has been targeted—and as every sane person must know by now, Bondi started out by releasing what she had about former president Clinton.

In all candor, she didn't have much! Excitingly, there was one photo of a fully dressed Clinton, sitting upright in a metal chair, receiving some sort of neck rub from a fully clothed, youngish woman.

That had been a moment from one of those flights—from one of the flights in which Bill Clinton was creating the global network which (insert yawn here) would eventually save as many as thirty million lives worldwide in the war against AIDS.

Clinton described that effort in his testimony. We'll wait while you finish your yawn.

Along the way in the deposition, Clinton was asked about the only thing that actually matters to people like us. He was asked about that troubling neck rub.

Whatever a person may think about any of this, we'll show you what Bill Clinton said. We'll identify the questioners to the extent that we're able.

As you can see in the Rev transcript, the first exchange about the rub proceeded as shown below. For full videotape of the deposition, you can just click this:

ATTORNEY (2/27/26): My next question for you is, have you ever had contact with an individual by the name of Chaunte Davies?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: Chauntae was—that's a distinctive name. So I think that was the name of one of his flight attendants.

‍ATTORNEY: Okay. She's been described on being on a 2002 Africa trip and providing massages. Was she or any other young female on that trip underage at that time?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: Not that I'm aware of.

‍ATTORNEY: Okay. Did you ever receive a massage or have physical contact from her or anyone else on that trip?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: You've seen the pictures. There was one time when I was sitting up, and I got a back rub—a neck rub. And I think Chauntae did it, but I'm not sure. 

For the record: 

According to a report by Snopes (link below), Davies was 22 at the time. Later in the deposition, a second exchange occurred:

QUESTIONER: I think it was discussed in the previous round, but that well-known photograph of yourself and Ms. Davies—

 What is your recollection of the extent of your interactions with Ms. Davies on that trip?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: Where were we?

QUESTIONER: In Africa. I think it was at the airport, on the way to—

PRESIDENT CLINTON: That's it. We had a good relationship, but it was entirely proper. I never had any personal contact with her, if that's what you imply.

QUESTIONER: Am I right that while on that trip, whether the trip or the flights, did you ever witness or become aware of sexual abuse of any kind?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: I did not.

QUESTIONER: Thank you.

Incredibly, we were now being asked to believe that the former president hadn't abused this young woman! Later, there was also this:

REP. MELANIE STANSBURY (D-NM): The third person I want to talk about briefly is Chauntae Davies. I know we've already mentioned her here today. I know you've already mentioned that she was listed as a flight attendant on the trip to South Africa in 2002 that you took with Jeffrey Epstein. 

Are you aware that Chauntae Davies is a survivor who claims she was abused for three years, including during that time period?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: I am now.

REP. STANSBURY: Are you aware that Jeffrey Epstein recruited his victims through calling them masseuses?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: No.

REP. STANSBURY: You're not aware that Jeffrey—

PRESIDENT CLINTON: No. But it doesn't surprise me. But I didn't know that, no.

REP. STANSBURY: Knowing that Jeffrey Epstein recruited hundreds of minors as masseuses to massage him. and knowing that this victim who was a survivor of three years of his sexual abuse as a masseuse was on the plane, does that make you think about the massage you received from her differently?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: Have you seen the picture?

REP. STANSBURY: I have a copy of it right here. Yes.

PRESIDENT CLINTON: Well, I'm sitting up in the—

REP. STANSBURY: I'm just asking if now that you know that Jeffrey Epstein recruited girls as masseuses, does that reframe that photograph? And knowing that there were girls on the plane that were being abused?

Were there actually girls on the plane who were being abused? We aren't real sure about that. See below.

At any rate, Rep. Stansbury continued with a line of questioning which strikes us as slightly peculiar. Eventually, this exchange occurred:

REP. STANSBURY: Part of what I'm trying to do is to ask you—we know there was a survivor that was on the plane. You've stated that you didn't know she was a survivor. I understand that. 

But I am asking, now that you are aware that Epstein was recruiting survivors as masseuses, does this make you rethink what you saw as you were traveling and interacting with him?

PRESIDENT CLINTON: I wish Chauntae had told me. I liked her. But I didn't think it was anything unusual and I can't tell you how many airplanes I've been on where rich people ask me to go, and they had someone offering massages. 

All these boats that you go on and all that, they all do that. Usually, I don't do that. I'm not into this.

REP. STANSBURY: Well, that certainly raises some other questions about people offering free massages and boats, et cetera.

So said the former president. As he did, Rep. Stansbury hurried off to investigate the entire rest of the world.

Back to President Clinton. He had received a neck rub from Chauntae Davies, age 22, while sitting upright, fully clothed, on a metal chair at an airport. 

He said he liked Chauntae Davies. He said he had a good relationship with her on that flight. He said he wished that she had told him that she already was, at that point, a victim of sexual abuse. 

He also said that he hadn't seen any evidence of such abuse. With that, we turn to several things Chauntae Davies, a good decent person, has said in recent years.

Her remarks are quoted in this fact check by Snopes. First, Snopes reprints this part of a 2020 news report by The Daily Mail:

Davies acted as an air stewardess on the flight and described being shocked when Clinton boarded the plane, saying he was "charming and sweet."

Davies, now in her early 40s, said of the massage pictures: "Although the image looks bizarre, President Clinton was a perfect gentleman during the trip and I saw absolutely no foul play involving him."

She explained the massage happened when "we had a stop-over for the jet to refuel and while we were in the terminal the ex-President was complaining of stiffness from falling asleep in his chair.

"Ghislaine chimed in to be funny and said that I could give him a massage.

"Everyone had a little chuckle but Ghislaine in her prim British accent insisted and said I was good. The President then asked me, 'Would you mind giving it a crack?' "

Davies was quoted saying that by The Daily Mail. Later, Scopes reports, she made the following poignant statement as part of the Netflix series, "Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich:"

I went from being just the masseuse to being asked to be a personal assistant on this trip. So I was blinded by the opportunity of it. I hadn't gone anywhere really, and to go to Africa was like a dream come true. 

I flew from L.A. to New York, the plane was ready on the tarmac when I got there, and I took a seat. Then our guests arrived. It was Bill Clinton, Kevin Spacey and Chris Tucker. I was blown away, like oh my God, it was surreal. 

The trip was about the AIDS organization that Clinton had started. This trip to Africa is probably the single most amazing moment of my life, and I remember having this false belief that the abuse had stopped because nothing had happened in Africa. Thinking that maybe it just wasn't going to happen anymore. 

But after the Africa trip, the abuse started all over again, and it never stopped after that.

According to Snopes, that's what this good person said. She seemed to be saying that Epstein turned off the abuse when Bill Clinton was around—but the abuse started up all over again after that. 

Clinton said he didn't see any abuse. Davies seemed to say that no abuse occurred on that flight.

She was 22 years old at the time. You can see the photo of the shoulder massage, with the fully clothed Clinton sitting upright on a metal chair during a stopover inside an airport terminal.

The exchanges about Davies struck us as the saddest and most interesting part of Bill Clinton's deposition. Those exchanges leave you, and all the rest of us, facing a set of question about ourselves:

Are you able to believe that Bill Clinton, age 56, actually "liked" this 22-year-old woman, but didn't sexually assault her?

Also, are you able to believe that he "acted like a perfect gentleman" during that trip? That he didn't engage in the kind of conduct the snarling mutts of the Fox News Channel like to go on TV and dream up stories about?

Are you able to believe that the trip in question was about AIDS prevention, not about the joys of sexual assault? 

Admittedly, AIDS prevention is boring. But are you able to imagine that AIDS prevention is the actual reason why Bill Clinton was on that plane? 

This is why we ask:

We live in a smarmy, unintelligent, failing culture which has only one thing on its mind. 

Our culture doesn't much care about saving lives around the world. Instead, our culture enjoys the lurid dreams voiced by Gutfeld and Timpf and the rest of the mutts on Tuesday evening, March 3. 

On that astonishing occasion, a passel of circus clowns spewed the bullsh*t inside their own empty heads about a lurid, tribally thrilling event—about a lurid, tribally thrilling event which simply never happened.

These sex tales have thrilled us for more than thirty years now—the fight against AIDS not so much. By now, it's all we secretly want to hear. By now, it may be the only we know how to believe.  

This is the way a society ends—with a bizarre TV host who seems to loathe women, and with the array of undisguised nut-balls his gong-show program employs.

On March 3, they invented an utterly bogus claim about President Clinton's behavior during his deposition, and then they began to clown. Eleven days later, no one has asked them why they did that, and nobody ever will.

No one at the Times will ask, no one at The Atlantic. Timpf hasn't corrected what she said, and people like her never will.

Last night, they continued their gruesome behavior in too many ways to spend time on. That said, the women of The View are cows once again!  The pay is good at the Fox News Channel, and the mutts have all clambered aboard.

In our own Blue America, no one will ever report or discuss what those lowlifes did on March 3. They're very naughty boys and girls, and the giants we Blues are told to trust race to get out of their way.

FRIDAY: Trump and Maddow and Compagno oh my!

FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 2026

An age of unusual statements: Stating the obvious, Blue American media are never going to report or discuss the possible medical state of the sitting American president. In that sense, his possible medical state qualifies as the prevailing threat to the world our own Blue Silo has chosen. 

That said, the sitting president really went off last night. This Truth Social post strikes us as a potentially disturbing manifestation from someone who might possibly seem to need help:

Truth Details

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

We are totally destroying the terrorist regime of Iran, militarily, economically, and otherwise, yet, if you read the Failing New York Times, you would incorrectly think that we are not winning. Iran’s Navy is gone, their Air Force is no longer, missiles, drones and everything else are being decimated, and their leaders have been wiped from the face of the earth. We have unparalleled firepower, unlimited ammunition, and plenty of time - Watch what happens to these deranged scumbags today. They’ve been killing innocent people all over the world for 47 years, and now I, as the 47th President of the United States of America, am killing them. What a great honor it is to do so! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

There are very few stone-cold pacifists within the American population. That said, declaring it an honor to be killing all the scumbags strikes us as a potentially dangerous sign.

For David Gilmour's report at Mediaite, you can just click here. 

That said, the thunder has been general over the nation of late. Yesterday afternoon, Greg Owens dropped this account of a recent speech in the 51st state. His report appeared beneath this dual headline:

Rachel Maddow drags Trump’s poor health in blistering speech
The MS NOW host’s colorful tour of the president’s rotting body had jaws dropping in Canada.

Within that report, you can click ahead to videotape of that colorful tour. 

In his report, Owens offers this account of what Maddow said. This also strikes us as possibly unwise and unhealthy:

“I reject the inevitability and the supposed indefinite rule of Trump and Trumpism,” she told the Canadians, before pausing for effect and adding, “not because I believe the cheeseburgers will ultimately win.” That got a laugh from the knowing Canucks.

Then, like an attending physician leading her medical students on rounds, Maddow took her audience on a grand tour of the president’s decaying body.

“I mean, it’s not just that he’s the oldest person elected to the presidency, and he is obese, and he has gigantically swollen ankles, and he drags his leg, and he now puts more makeup on his hands than even what he puts on his face, and he puts so much on his face on a good day that he looks like he’s been well-embalmed,” she shared to jaw drops and whoops.

“He also—on top of that!—has a gnarly new bright red, lumpy neck rash on the right side of his neck, which makes it look like he was attacked by a particularly lusty sea lamprey that someone ripped off of him too fast after it had sunk hundreds of its gritty, dull, dirty little teeth into to the wrinkly fleshy plane just below his right ear.”

The crowd roared their approval of the rotting diagnosis, but there was a coda.

“It really is,” Maddow finished, over exhausted laughs. “It’s bloody bright red and crumbly. And it has holes in it. It looks like clumpy spaghetti sauce burned onto a baking sheet.”

“It’s not good!” she added brightly.

That strikes us as possibly counterproductive, not that there's any way out.

Adding a bit of comic relief, Emily Compagno was drifting back toward The Hotsy Totsy on last evening's Gutfeld! program. 

As will sometimes happen, the gang got tired of all the "hard news" stuff, so they devoted a segment to a news report about a guy who didn't want to pay for the sixteen lap dances he had received at a strip club. 

Here's the "news issue" the savants tackled:

Why shouldn't a gentleman be required to pay for the service in question before he receives it? 

That was the news debate. Perhaps a bit surprisingly, Compagno leaped in with this:

GUTFELD (3/12/26):  I don't know what I'm saying, Emily. But you're a lawyer.

COMPAGNO: Everybody should just pay before— Like, I don't understand why—

GUTFELD: Pay ahead of time?

COMPAGNO: Yes!! You can't do anything nowadays without paying first! 

I don't know why they're not paying first, A. And B, all you have to do is buy a chick a drink at any club, or any bar, and she'll give him a lap dance for free. 

So like, I feel like it's outdated.

Emphasis on any club, or any bar, live and direct from Compagno. Seconds later, the lady expressively jumped back in:

COMPAGNO [waving her arms]: That came out wrong!!! I don't mean me! I don't mean me, everyone. It came out wrong.

As we said, it was a bit of (somewhat strange) comic relief!

For the record, a lot of things "come out wrong" on Fox News Channel programs. Our nation's "news culture" is changing fast. Possibly timorous Blue elites have agreed to avert their gaze from what takes place Over There.

SOCIETAL REMAINS: This is the way a society ends!

FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 2026

Not with a bang but a poser: "Nothing beside remains." 

It's a famous line from "Ozymandias," a famous poem by the famous Shelley about what happens to fame. 

Also, about what happens to societal power, and possibly just to societies. 

By the end of the sonnet, nothing is left of the greatness enjoyed, long before, by the mighty Ozymandias (the Egyptian pharaoh Ramesses II, 1303 BC – 1213 BC).

"Nothing beside remains," we're told at the end of the offering. "Round the decay / Of that colossal wreck"—in its day, it had been a free-standing statue of the mighty pharaoh—"...The lone and level sands stretch far away."

To our eye, it's a bit like that when we watch what happened last week on The Five. And then again, five hours later, on Gutfeld! (and elsewhere in Red America). 

Also, it's a bit like that when we consider the fact that publications like The Atlantic have no plan to discuss the way the very possibility of the American project is being worn away, buried deep in sand.

The numbing stupidity we witnessed last week is (almost) all that remains of the American project (such as it has been). All that remains is that stupidity, enabled by the self-protective silence of Blue America's imitation of a journalistic elite.

Tomorrow, we'll show you something that's massively better—something involving President Clinton and one of Jeffrey Epstein's survivors. (She was 22 at the time.) 

Tomorrow, something much better! Sadly, though, the mugs were clowning hard, and having big fun, on the Fox News Channel last week. 

They were having major tribal fun as millions of misled people watched. They were having big fun about a pleasing event—about an event which never happened.

With that, we briefly return to what happened on The Five on Tuesday evening, March 3. 

No, Tyrus—and Jesse and Emily! We're sorry, but no! There was no time in his deposition on Friday, February 27 when former president Clinton behaved in the way your corporate owners instructed you to pretend that he had behaved.

It's as we explained in Monday's report—as you can plainly see if you simply look at the line of questioning being pursued in the moments at issue. The questioning at that time actually went like this:

President Clinton and his attorney, Cheryl Mills, had been handed a New York Times article about the many celebrity photos found inside Jeffrey Epstein's squalid Gotham mansion.

As you can see by clicking here, there were many celebrity photos on display inside that broken-souled mansion. There was even a photo of Jeffrey Epstein with the former pope! 

Also, there was one photo—let's repeat that rather small number—of Epstein with the former president. There was one such photo on display, among the many others.

During the deposition in question, the chief counsel for the House Oversight Committee had questioned Clinton about that one photo. His line of questioning had been quite inconsequential. It had basically taken things nowhere. 

As the chief counsel considered his next line of questioning, Clinton and Mills perused the material they had been given during that line of questioning. They were perusing a copy of the New York Times report about all the celebrity photos—and at that point, the CEO of the Fox News Channel decided to let the mutts out.

In they rushed, tongues exposed, bushy tails a-waggin'! Four nights later, on the Gutfeld! program, the nutty host of that program teased the segment like this:

Up next! Bill's trip down memory lane!

After a commercial break, the strange man began pretending. We're sorry, but the very possibility of the American project can't survive moral and intellectual disorder this vast and this astounding.

"Bill really enjoys the deposition," he soon sang, introducing the segment. Then, as a brief bit of video played, he proceeded to pretend that this is what was happening as Clinton and Mills looked at the material in question.

He was doing a Clinton impression as he behaved this way:

GUTFELD (3/3/26): "I did that one. I did that one! I remember her! She was wild!" 

The lid had been pried off the garbage can, as occurs on this primetime "cable news" program most nights.

As we've noted, someone has told this program's host that he had to stop comparing the women of The View to cows and pigs and horses and whales and to generic "livestock." But he's still encouraged to behave in the way he behaved this night—and as his studio audience laughed, the nutcase now turned to one of his panel's halfwits:

GUTFELD: So Mike, that was Clinton flipping through old Epstein pictures, smiling and nodding at the deposition last week. His attorney even had to pull the damn thing away from him! How can you not like him! 

[LAUGHTER]

To whom was this disordered man speaking? Let the word go forth to the nations! This was the pig-pile that night:

Gutfeld!: Tuesday, 3/3/26
Tyrus: former professional "wrestler"
Kat Timpf: comedian
Greg Gutfeld: host
Dave Landau: comedian
Mike Benz: Foundation For Freedom Online

So read the list of the helpmates.

As Gutfeld turned to the hapless Benz, he was describing a pleasing event—an event which hadn't happened! Joining the assault on societal possibility, the panelist knew how to play it:

BENZ: Look, it's crazy, because Bill Clinton kind of is what— If Jeffrey Epstein became president, it would be Bill Clinton...They are kind of a perfect fit.

What are the odds that two people like this wouldn't [find each other]? You have like the perfect embodiment.

GUTFELD: He doesn't care, Kat, any more. Look at him! He doesn't care if you think he's an old horn dog.  Look at that

AUDIENCE: Laughter

(Returning to his Clinton impression]

"Look at that! Let me see that again!"

Once again, it must be said—nothing like that was actually happening in the videotape that was playing on the Fox News Channel screen. Gutfeld and his gruesome guest were staging a remarkable slander—a remarkable slander which was being performed for millions of misled viewers. 

Nothing like that had actually happened! It fell to the horrendous climber Timpf to take us all the way down Frost's "seven levels of the world."

"The lovely shall be choosers," Frost wrote. Horrendously, Timpf made her choice:

TIMPF: Honestly, he is probably the first person ever if the history of depositions who wishes he took a Cialis first.

GUTFELD (stage laughter): Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa! He also is probably the only one at a deposition who wishes it had gone longer.

AUDIENCE: Laughter 

TIMPF: Yeah. Yeah.

GUTFELD [performing Clinton impression]: "Do you have any more pictures?"

TIMPF: Yeah. He was like, "Can I take these home? Can I go to the bathroom for a few minutes? But with these?"

The children were happily playing. Moments later, Timpf even chose to say this: 

TIMPF: You know, I'm not sure, but I'm starting to suspect that he might like to have sex with really young women.

GUTFELD: Not underage women, but—what did he say? Underage females! "I will not have sex with underage females." That's what he said.

Needless to say, that isn't something the former president actually said. Meanwhile, it's time for the poser Timpf to just go home and stay there. 

Her posing has gone on and on. It's time for the roadshow to stop.

These corporate tools were describing a pleasing set of events—a tribally pleasing set of events which actually hadn't occurred. They were doing so on one of the most watched shows in American "cable news"—on a show whose audience is more than twice the size of the typical primetime MS NOW audience.

Gutfeld now turned to a former "wrestler"—to a news analyst who still had no earthly idea concerning the basics of what had happened four and five days earlier. 

He was on the show to discuss news events. Monster truck blowhard that he is, he still didn't have the first f*cking idea concerning what had happened.

First on The Five, then on this show, it was clear that "Tyrus" thought that Bill and Hillary Clinton had been deposed during a single joint session. In fact, Hillary Clinton had been deposed on Thursday, February 26. Her husband was deposed one day later.

"Tyrus" didn't quite know that! Four and five days later, the giant blowhard began faking it hard after Gutfeld said this:

GUTFELD: Tyrus, that was a trip down memory lane.

At that point, the giant blowhard started faking it hard. He pictured a car ride home from a joint deposition—a car ride straight out of an earlier age, an age in which the shrewish wife is constantly banging the henpecked husband upside the poor guy's head.

"Tyrus" routinely paints such pictures on this throwback "cable news" program. At one point on this particular evening, he explained what Bill Clinton would do "if he has any brans in his head." 

We're going to let that stupidity sit right there. Please don't ask us to comment.

The giant blowhard went on and on about the shrewish wife of his own inner torments. Finally, let the word go forth to the nations! At long last, the time had come for the male comedian to explain what had occurred!

When Gutfeld threw to the fellow in question, this is what Gutfeld said:

GUTFELD: You know, Dave, this could actually—this is my theory—prove his innocence! 

He's looking at these pictures and he's like, "How did I miss this?" He's like looking like, "This wasn't here when I was there! Wait a minute! I never had that! That wasn't even on the menu!"

By "this" and "that," this woman-loathing older man was referring to the various underage females whose enticing photos Clinton was supposedly ogling.

They could have been "on the menu" when Clinton took his trips on Epstein's plane! Regrettably, though, they weren't! That's the way this underdeveloped guy still pictures this realm of two genders.

That was the "theory" this monster threw out. When the comedian took his turn, this is the garbage which started to seep from the Fox News garbage can:

LANDAU: I think he's looking at it like the first time you see a Playboy. He's just so excited he doesn't know what to do.

This world-class numbskull continued from there. Soon he was offering this. Could someone give him a Cialis?

LANDAU: This is actually quite an admission of guilt, if I'm being honest...I don't blame him for going to a sex island. I'm not saying you should go with underage—I'm saying, Hillary!

GUTFELD: Yeah!

LANDAU: I mean, he's been crawling into bed with—I don't think they even share a bed. I'm pretty sure she sleeps in a coffin.

AUDIENCE: Laughter, applause

TYRUS: After that testimony, that coffin was built for him.

This is who, and this is what, these underfed fellows are. We know that they could do much better—but at Fox, they're paid to do this.

By the eternal rules of the game, the time had come to pity Bill Clinton for being married to Hillary Clinton. On this gruesome show, the host never tired of insulting liberal women in their 80s for not being sexy enough.

We've entered the realm of the throwback brigade—the angry men who, for whatever reason, haven't been willing or able to keep up. Now, the comedian had trashed Hillary Clinton—and he had explicitly said that her husband had, in fact, gone to Jeffrey Epstein's "sex island!"

From the start, that claim has been flatly denied. These children are paid not to quit it.

Soon, the children were saying this:

LANDAU: It's bad that he's mouthing their names.

GUTFELD: Yes! Ha ha haaaaa! Oh, that's my favorite video. I could watch this for days—and I will!

We don't doubt that he'll do that! In fairness, we've said many times that he could certainly do much better, and that his employer should be getting him some much-needed help. 

At any rate, this is the garbage this "cable news" channel sends out every night. Over at The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg isn't willing to report the fact that this occurs. 

The New York Times is also committed to the act of averting its gaze. I our own view, it's hard to believe that a large modern nation can expect to function, to survive, in this way.

With great tribal joy, the island of misfit cable news messenger children had described a tribally pleasing event—an event which hadn't occurred. 

Over here in Blue America, this is the dangerous garbage our cowardly lions have chosen to avoid. As with Ozymandias, so too here:

This is the downfall they've chosen

Tomorrow: The Epstein survivor's (beautifully heartfelt) tale.

Though also, a word about lizards

THURSDAY: Friend, are you really able to have...

THURSDAY, MARCH 12, 2026

...more than one thing on your mind? Is Bill Clinton on the level? 

This morning, we showed you some of what he said about his reason for taking those plane trips with Jeffrey Epstein. In our view, this statement poses a question to each of us who have survived the current political era—a ludicrous era after which so very little remains:

PRESIDENT CINTON (2/27/26): When I left office, we had done all the preliminary work to set up the global funds on HTV malaria, but it was not yet funded. And there were other instruments and institutions who were later founded, including President Bush's PEPFAR program. It had not yet been funded.

There were only 200,000 people in the entire developing world who had AIDS medicine, most of them in Brazil, which had a big drug operation on its own, and in Thailand, which also had its own drug population.

In Africa, there were like 30,000 people or something, just next to no people, and they were dying like flies. And I thought we had found a way to drastically drive the price down, and that if we could drive the price down, we could empower people to administer the medicine right, we could save a lot of lives, and I was obsessed with it, and I was being helped by a man named Ira Magaziner who had helped us in the White House in whom I had known since we lived as road scholars together in 1960s. 

So anyway, that's why, when Larry Summers said this, I thought, "Well, this would be great." And so we followed up and took the trips. 

That's President Clinton's account of his outlook after leaving the White House. It's also his explanation of why he took four or five trips to foreigh ocales on Jeffrey Epstein's plane:

Out there in the rest of the world, people were dying from AIDS like flies—and he thought he could save a lot of livres. He even said that he was obsessed with the possibility. 

Our questions:

Do you believe that some such thing is true? Do you believe that some such thing could be true? Do you believe that some such thing could be true about Bill Clinton? 

Or has your sense of who Bill Clinton is, has it been eaten alive by something like forty years in which our garbage can American discourse has endlessly focused on one topic—his sexuality, possibly just as we imagine it? 

We're inclined to think the best about Bill Clinton. We're inclined to throw up our hands in despair when we encounter constructs of the type we see below about this largely mythologized person.

Molly Jong-Fast is a good decent person. On February 7, her guest essay for the New York Times started off like this:

Now We Know What All Those People Got From Epstein

Jeffrey Epstein, as has become clear again with the latest Department of Justice file dump, will go down in history as perhaps this century’s most horrifically accomplished social climber. He knew pretty much everybody, name-dropping, favor-trading, sex-trafficking and possibly blackmailing his way all the way up, up, up.

[...]

Many people stuck with him even after he had gone to jail in 2008 in Florida for sex crimes, and in some cases even after he landed in jail again in 2019 on sex-trafficking charges. Back then, the plight of the victims often seemed to be an afterthought. That’s most likely because whatever they received from him in the past—access to career-enhancing people, access to young girls and an endless supply of freebies—might still be on offer. This is the nature of the Epstein files: It’s the record of what a global class of very privileged, accomplished and self-important people want to get gifted.

Sometimes it was a Prada bag. Other times it was a flight on Mr. Epstein’s jet, or a weekend at his island. Sometimes it was a donation to a charity or school. Or a job for their kid working on a Woody Allen film, or a shortcut for Mr. Allen’s own kid to get into Bard. Sometimes it was a “tall, Swedish blonde.” Other times it was a young woman who might be a “a little freaked by the age difference.”

So wrote Jong-Fast for the New York Times. She was listing the various things (some) people wanted to get from the criminal Epstein. 

For the record, at least as it seems to exist: 

In the case of Bill Clinton, he didn't "stick with [Epstein] even after he had gone to jail in 2008." He says his association with Epstein ended in 2003, long before he was publicly charged with sex crimes. As far as we know, that account hasn't been challenged. 

Also, he didn't want a Prada bag. He did want some flights on Epstein's jet—but to judge from his testimony and from the apparent public record, he wanted those flights because he was building a program to confront AIDS in the world.

Are you able, at this point, to believe that something like that could be the actual truth of the matter? Or has the constant sexualizing of Clinton made it hard for you to picture him in any other context?

Certain elements of the society have pushed that line of interest forever. Jong-Fast is a good, decent person, but we think the following passage from her column may qualify as a document drawn from the soul of the age:

There are numerous ways to look foolish and creepy in the Epstein files, the worst of which is obviously emails like the one Peter Attia wrote to Mr. Epstein in 2016, eight years after Mr. Epstein became a registered sex offender: “Pussy is, indeed, low-carb. Still awaiting results on gluten content, though.” Everyone has surely by now seen the photo of the erstwhile Prince Andrew with his arm around a 17-year-old Virginia Giuffre. There’s also a photo of Bill Clinton in a hot tub.

She cites the ways three different people managed "to look foolish and creepy in the Epstein files" To wit:

One man wrote a pathetic, slimy email. (For more of that general sort of thing, put on the Fox News Channel pretty much any night of the week.)

Another man was photographed with his arm around an Epstein survivor, now deceased, when she was just 17.

That's how those guys came out looking creepy. Also, Bill Clinton once sat in a hot tub! Plus, there's a photo to prove it!

You never hear about those lives allegedly saved around the world. We've suggested that there's a reason for that:

No one gives the first flying f*ck about such tedious topics! 

Fellow citizens, what do you think Bill Clinton is like? Where do you get that impression?

Tomorrow: They pried the lid off the can...

WHAT LITTLE REMAINS: Why did Bill Clinton take those rides?

THURSDAY, MARCH 12, 2026

Things you won't learn on The Five: In fairness to the journalists who perform on The Five, let the word go forth to the nations:

Late yesterday afternoon, they worked to keep the public informed about the day's most important news topics. An impressive panel had been assembled. At this point, we call the roll:

The Five: Wednesday, 3/11/26
Emily Compagno: co-host, Outnumbered
Jessica Tarlov: twice-weekly punching bag
Jesse Watters: host, Jesse Watters Primetime
Dana Perino: co-anchor, America's Newsroom
Greg Gutfeld: host, Gutfeld!

Let the word go forth! The ritual overtalking of Tarlov occurred at 5:23 p.m. As part of the overall fun, Compagno had begun to reminisce about her hometown's "strip joint," the Hotsy Totsy, just a few minutes before.

On The Five, but especially on the 10 p.m. Gutfeld! show, conversation may sometimes tend to swerve toward the carnal when boredom begins setting in. But along the way, the panel on our nation's most-watched "cable news" program devoted itself to the task of exploring such major topics as this:

Jesse Watters Tells Co-Hosts That Shoes Aren’t the Only Clothing Item Trump Has Gifted

Fox News host Jesse Watters told co-hosts of The Five on Wednesday that President Donald Trump’s favorite shoes are not the only piece of clothing the president has given as gifts.

The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday that Trump has been giving out shoes to staffers, agency leaders, lawmakers, and other Oval Office visitors. Specifically, the president has taken a liking to Florsheim shoes, an inexpensive, American-made brand that he gifts to staffers so frequently, he’s taken to guessing people’s shoe size.

The co-hosts of The Five discussed the story on Wednesday, with Jessica Tarlov highlighting a quote from The WSJ report that claimed that “everybody’s afraid not to wear” the shoes because they were gifts from the president.  

“Jesse, the best part is that they wear them even when they don’t fit,” said Tarlov. “Like Marco Rubio has a four-inch gap in his shoes.”

And so on from there. Watters informed the other analysts about the time when the sitting president gifted him with one or more dress shirts.

The number shifted as Watters' story developed.  Mediaite continues: 

“This is what the president does,” said Watters. “I used to wear these really English spread collars on the air, and it used to really upset the president, and he’d see me and go, ‘Jesse, your collar is so spread it looks like it’s going backwards behind your head, so he bought me a bunch of shirts with a normal collar. Just like one shirt. And then, I felt like pressure to wear it. I mean, it was too big, but now I wear normal collars. But he was right, my English collar was really messed up.” 

It's refreshing to see a major journalist admit that he "really messed up" on at least one occasion. 

It was late in the show when the Fox quintet examined the president's focus on footwear. At the very start of the hour, the panel examined the claim that the Defense Department had recently spent—we're quoting Compagno—"$2 million on Alaskan king crab, nearly $7 million on lobster tail and $15 million on ribeye steak, and there is also ice cream." 

Watters quickly defended the spending, denouncing the idea that the troops should be forced to eat pasta. Starting at 5:02 p.m., this discussion took place above the following chyrons:

5:02 p.m. 
TRUMP: OUR MILITARY IS UNBELIEVABLE

5:03 p.m.
SURF & TURF / RPT: DOJ SPENT $22M ON STEAK AND LOBSTER IN SINGLE MONTH

5:04 p.m.
DEMS FREAK OUT OVER STEAK AND LOBSTER FOR TROOPS

For the record, the Dems are frequently said to be freaking out on this most-watched "cable news" program. Yesterday, the program's second segment ran above this chyron:

DEMS EXPOSED AS HYPOCRITES OVER HIGH GAS PRICES

Sometimes, these complaints may even possess a bit of substance, given the ways of the world. 

In yesterday's report, we showed you some of what was said on The Five on Tuesday evening, March 3. On that day, as you may recall, the panel pretended to discuss an event which never actually happened!

These "cable news" panels today! On March 3, the panel pretended that former president Bill Clinton had enjoyed himself, the previous week, during his deposition with the House Oversight Committee.

They said he'd enjoyed himself looking at photos of young women with whom he'd had sex, all thanks to Jeffrey Epstein. As we'll show you again tomorrow, no such event had occurred during the long deposition. 

No such event had occurred. But here's part of what was said, four days later, on the gong-show known as The Five:

WATTERS (3/3/26): Check out the look on Bill Clinton's face as Bubba reminisced a little too fondly about the good old times with [Jeffrey] Epstein, flipping through photos like it's a school yearbook. That is, until his lawyer swoops in, snatch the papers and reminds him this isn't story hour:

[Mimicking Clinton's lawyer]

"Back to business, Mr. President!" 

[...]

COMPAGNO: I mean, he was like—I felt uncomfortable seeing his glee at the pictures. Like, I felt like he was reminiscing clearly. I was like—I felt like I was seeing too much.

WATTERS: [Giggles]

COMPAGNO: I know! He loved it! 

(Laughs delightedly)

WATTERS (imitating President Clinton, snatching photos back from his lawyer): "Give me that back!"

Viewers were led to believe that Clinton had been delightedly looking at photos of young women he had mistreated sexually. The big lug Tyrus then stepped in to say this is just who Clinton is.

For Compagno and Watters this was big fun. There was only one problem with their clowning:

Nothing like that had actually happened during the long deposition. They were pimping an ugly tale about something that never occurred.

As far as we know, Compagno and Watters really believed that that was what they were looking at as they viewed a small piece of videotape from President Clinton's deposition. We'll guess that management told them that that had occurred, and none of the flyweights had bothered to check to see if they were being misinformed by their corporate bosses. 

The flyweights simply believed what they had been told. As we'll sketch in more detail tomorrow, they went ahead with the scripted tale about something that never happened. 

Inevitably, it got much worse on Gutfeld! that night, where Kat Timpf inexcusably said this at one point:

"You know, I'm not sure, but I'm starting to suspect that he might like to have sex with really young women."

So the lady inexcusably said. Timpf will offer no correction and Timpf will offer no apology. Given the wickedness of the times, that's simply not the way these messaging agents roll.

At any rate, President Clinton and his attorney, Cheryl Mills, were not looking at photographs of young women in the brief bit of videotape which played on the screen that day. Nothing even dimly like that occurred at any point in the president's long deposition, but the stooges sent in to perform on The Five went ahead and performed directly from script.

We've shown you part of what was said on The Five as Compagno and Watters laughed about an ugly event—an ugly event which simply never occurred. Large modern nations can't hope to prosper—can barely expect to survive—when corporate entities pay TV performers to go out and perform in such ways. 

Ysterday, it was on to the undisclosed size of Secretary Rubio's feet. It was to surf and turf, with some fun at the Hotsy Totsy, a much changed joint today.

Remind us to show you how far Watters has fallen from the stature of his illustrious ancestors. But before we show you the garbage that was spewed on the Gutfeld! program last Tuesday night, we thought we'd give you a bit of background concerning the contents of the deposition these stars were misrepresenting.

As we noted in an earlier report, President Clinton was deposed on Friday, February 27. For reasons which are all too clear, Hillary Clinton had been deposed the day before.

Today, we thought we'd detail a few points from the former president's deposition. Let's start with the brief opening statement Bill Clinton delivered that day.

Clinton was being deposed about his past association with Jeffrey Epstein, an association which ended in 2003. In his brief opening statement, he touched upon what might be called, following Plato's Seventh Letter, "the wickedness of the times:"

Bill Clinton, opening statement

First of all, good morning and welcome to all of you to our hometown. I appreciate you coming here. I'm here today, basically, for two reasons. First of all, I love my country and the Constitution, and I believe America was built on the idea that no one is above the law, especially presidents, and that we should all live by the same set of rules shaped with the Constitution.

Democracy requires every person to play their part, and I hope that by being here today, we can bring ourselves a little further away from the brink and back to being a country where we can disagree civilly and search for the truth and justice. And if that outweighs the partisan urge, the spectacle and point scoring, I will do my part and I hope you'll do yours.

The second reason I'm here is that the girls and women whose lives Jeffrey Epstein destroyed deserve not just justice, but healing. They've been waiting too long for both. Through my brief acquaintance with Jeffrey Epstein, though it ended years before his crimes came to light, and though I never witnessed, during our limited interactions, any indication of what was going on, I'm here to offer what little I know so I can do my part to prevent something like this from happening again.

[...]

I do think you should be talking to me. I think you should have called me. I did take those plane trips with him, and you have a right to ask those questions. So I'm glad to be here and I understand what the oath is.

We, each of us are the victims, nothing less than the truth and accuracy. We owe that to the American people. And I actually hope that you will be able to come up with some suggestions that will reduce human trafficking and especially focus on underage girls. I hope you'll be able to do that. 

Praying for healing for the women who were once mistreated underage girls, Bill Clinton spoke of the need for "truth and accuracy." Four nights later, two collections of circus clowns were let out on our nation's most-watched "cable news" channel, whereupon they giggled and laughed about the actual facts concerning some of those young women's lives. 

In his opening statement, the former president cited the plane trips he had taken on Jeffrey Epstein's large plane. He said he had "never witnessed any indication of what was going on" between Epstein and the many girls and young women Epstein was later known to have assaulted and abused.

Early in his deposition, the former president cited the reason for those trips. We regard this as a basic part of the overall story:

PRESIDENT CLINTON (2/27/26): Sometime after I left the White House, either in late 2001 or early-ish 2002, I received a call from Larry Summers, who had been on my economic team and was later secretary of the treasury...He said that he was calling because a man named Jeffrey Epstein, who had made a substantial commitment of several million dollars—I think it was 10, but whatever it was—to brain research and that he was an information hungry person and he wanted to spend some time talking to me about economics and politics. 

And he said he's got this massive airplane, and he said he would take you, your staff, your Secret Service detail, and anybody else you wanted to bring on the trips that he knew I was planning to set up a global network to provide lifesaving AIDS medicine to as many people as possible, as quickly as possible.

Say what? The trips in question were part of an effort to save lives around the world? 

No one challenged that basic assertion during the day's deposition. Continuing directly, the former president also offered this:

[Continuing directly from above]
And I should back up and say, when I left office, we had done all the preliminary work to set up the global funds on HTV malaria, but it was not yet funded. And there were other instruments and institutions who were later founded, including President Bush's PEPFAR program. It had not yet been funded.  

There were only 200,000 people in the entire developing world who had AIDS medicine, most of them in Brazil, which had a big drug operation on its own, and in Thailand, which also had its own drug population.     

In Africa, there were like 30,000 people or something, just next to no people, and they were dying like flies. And I thought we had found a way to drastically drive the price down, and that if we could drive the price down, we could empower people to administer the medicine right, we could save a lot of lives, and I was obsessed with it, and I was being helped by a man named Ira Magaziner who had helped us in the White House and whom I had known since we lived as Rhodes scholars together in 1960s. So anyway, that's why when Larry Summers said this, I thought, "Well, this would be great." And so we followed up and took the trips.

Most likely, this was all "fake news!" But none of this was ever challenged during the deposition.

Last Tuesday, no one provided any such background information on The Five. Instead, Watters and Compagno entertained themselves with lurid thoughts about a bit of ugly behavior which had never occurred.

It got much worse on Gutfeld! that night. For now, we thought we'd show you a bit of language from the foundation the former president was in the process of creating when those plane trips occurred:

About the Clinton Foundation

The Clinton Foundation is a nonpartisan organization founded by President Bill Clinton. Since 2001, the Foundation has transformed philanthropy through programs that develop leaders and accelerate solutions to the world’s most pressing challenges.

Programs funded by the Clinton Foundation include the Clinton Health Access Initiative, which has reached more than 30 million people with lifesaving HIV/AIDS, malaria and tuberculosis medication by pioneering new approaches for procuring and delivering treatment.

Thirty million people, the foundation says. No doubt, that's all fake news.

As we noted a few days back, you rarely hear about matters like that because no one actually cares.

Tomorrow: The garbage which flowed on the Gutfeld! program that very same Tuesday night

Saturday: What the survivor said