WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11, 2026
Act like a human for once: People who watched last evening's Gutfeld! show got their jollies right from the jump.
At 10 o'clock sharp--hat's 7 o'clock out on the coast)--Suzanne Scott pried the lid off the garbage can and one of the mutts crawled out. He always starts with two or three minutes of "jokes"--with jokes which are message carriers.
Last evening was no exception. His first joke pushed one of his standard themes--Hillary Clinton murders her rivals.
Then it came time for his second joke. His second joke, in all its unmistakable brilliance, started out like this:
GUTFELD (3/19/26): Secretary of War Pete Hegseth said the Iran incursion will soon, quote, bring the enemy to its knees...
Everyone who has ever watched this "cable news" show knew where this was going! Continuing directly, the little guy now said this:
Well, guess who just enlisted?
[PHOTO of Don Lemon]
At this site, we aren't big fans of Don Lemon's work. But the little guy restricts himself to this repetitive gay bashing when speaking of Lemon (as he constantly does).
He just keeps selling a tired old theme about the endless pursuit of indiscriminate sex.
The lord of the mutts told seven more jokes. (One was about how no one cares about women's sports. One was about how unattractive Yoko Ono was.
Finally, the punishment came to an end. It was still 10:03 when his final joke went like this:
GUTFELD: And finally, thanks to a new real estate deal, President Trump's name will be on the tallest skyscraper in Australia. Meanwhile, former president Joe Biden's name will be featured on a structure that's much closer to the ground.
[PHOTO of a gravestone]
AUDIENCE: [Muffled groans]
The little guy frequently offers jokes built around the enduring desire to see Joe Biden dead. He just can't seem to quit his demons. But this is who, and this is what, the Fox News Channel is.
("He'll put a smile on your face," Sean Hannity always says.)
Last night, this program's extremely peculiar host was surrounded by one of his typical panels. As you may have heard, his primetime corporate messaging show is watched by one of the nation's largest "cable news" audiences.
Last night, he staged several of the stupidest discussions we've ever seen, assisted by this modern, hall of mirrors version of the Village People:
Gutfeld!: Tuesday, March 10, 2026
Tyrus: former "wrestler"
Kat Timpf: comedian
Greg Gutfeld: host
Brianna Lyman: "Frequently seen on Newsmax, Fox News, Fox Business, Fox Radio and Fox Nation"
Andrew Gruel: executive chef, Calico Fish House
Assisted by a chef named Gruel and a former "wrestler," Gutfeld staged two of the stupidest "news discussions" we think we've ever seen.
(We stopped watching halfway through. You can only take so much.)
At any rate, Hillary Clinton murders her rivals, and Joe Biden will soon be dead! So it goes on this program, night after night, though someone apparently told the little guy that he had to drop the fusillade of comments and jokes in which he persistently compared the women of The View to horses, cattle, pigs and dogs--and of course, to whales and "livestock."
Someone apparently told him to stop! Also, a newer version of Dana Perino has seemed to emerge on The Five.
Hillary Clinton murders her rivals! When he pimps this favorite theme, the little guy takes us back to the mid-1990s, when a pious fellow named Reverend Falwell was touring the countryside selling a piece of murder porn known as The Clinton Chronicles.
The internet barely existed then. He had to peddle his video about the Clintons' many murders the old-fashioned way—the way the purveyors of elixir remedies used to sell their wares.
This nation's dangerous state of tribal division was picking up steam right there—right there, but also with the list of "contrasting words" Newt Gingrich had managed to come up with.
How should Republicans talk about Democrats? As we noted yesterday, he recommended such words as "destructive, shallow, sick, shame, cynicism, lie, disgrace, taxes, devour, anti-child, anti-flag and traitor"—and on and on from there.
Here we are, some thirty years later, and those of us in Blue America are never told about the way this dangerous garbage lives on. We're never told in the New York Times, or in the lordly Atlantic.
This week, we want to show you what happened last Tuesday on two Fox News Channel shows—first on The Five, at 5 p.m., then on the Gutfeld! program.
The Five attracts the largest audience in all of "cable news." The size of its audience dwarfs the size of every Blue American program—and it's as we showed you yesterday:
Last Tuesday, the program was staffed by the former cheerleader for the Raiders, but also by the former "wrestler" and by the peculiar man/boy who earned his stripes conducting dim-witted pseudo-interviews as Bill O'Reilly's "man in the street."
(No disrespect to O'Reilly, on whose show we appeared six times.)
At one point, the former cheerleader joined the former man in the street to enjoy a delicious exchange.
Sad! They were talking about something that didn't happen—something that didn't happen during President Clinton's deposition concerning his (rather limited) association with Jeffrey Epstein, which ended in 2003.
They were discussing something that didn't occur! Here's part of what these profoundly irresponsible resident flyweights said as a bit of tape from the deposition played on the screen:
WATTERS (3/3/26): Check out the look on Bill Clinton's face as Bubba reminisced a little too fondly about the good old times with Epstein, flipping through photos like it's a school yearbook. That is, until his lawyer swoops in, snatch the papers and reminds him this isn't story hour:
[Mimicking Clinton's lawyer]"Back to business, Mr. President!"
[...]
COMPAGNO: I mean, he was like—I felt uncomfortable seeing his glee at the pictures. Like, I felt like he was reminiscing clearly. I was like—I felt like I was seeing too much.
WATTERS: [Giggles]
COMPAGNO: I know! He loved it!
(Laughs delightedly)
WATTERS (imitating President Clinton): "Give me that back!"
Sad, but also disgraceful. Also, a bit of behavior which undermines the very possibility of maintaining the American project.
Again, this pair of corporate messaging agents were laughing delightedly over something that didn't occur! As you can plainly see if you choose to watch the tape, they were pretending that Clinton had been looking at photos of a bunch of young women—young women you were supposed to think he had assaulted during his handful of trips on Jeffrey Epstein's massive plane back in 2002 and 2003.
As a bit of videotape from the deposition aired, you were supposed to think that Clinton was looking at photos of young women and "reminiscing" about the ones he had assaulted.
The former cheerleader said she "felt like he was reminiscing clearly." Indeed, she felt like she "was seeing too much." She and Watters giggled and laughed delightedly as they enjoyed all the fun.
In fact, President Clinton was looking at something completely different during that brief bit of tape from the deposition—but management had instructed these tools that this was the way they should play it.
Watters and Compagno giggled and played. Other lunacies were acted out on The Five—and five hours later, things got a good deal worse when the baton was passed to the irresponsible, braindead panel on that evening's Gutfeld! program.
(Tomorrow—Fair warning!—we're going to show you the way Greg Gutfeld conned his program's millions of viewers about that bit of tape.)
Sorry, flyweights! During the lengthy deposition, there were no photos of young women who were present on the Epstein plane. At no point did Clinton survey some such collection of photos.
At one point, he did discuss what he has come to know about one of Epstein's victims. She was 22 years old when she met the former president on one of those flights.
Before the week is done, we're going to show you what she said about that interaction.
We'll go there by the end of the week. It was the misery handed to her by Epstein that Compagno and Watters and Tyrus and the rest of the mutts were delightedly laughing about.
Last Tuesday, Compagno and Watters were earning their pay, mugging about a hilarious event that didn't actually happen. What they did is precisely the way The Five works—unless you read the New York Times, or unless you read The Atlantic.
As these braindead Fox News Channel shows attack the very possibility of continuing the American project, Jeffrey Goldberg holds court each Friday night on the weekly PBS show, Washington Week with The Atlantic.
Thoughtful discussions are offered to a misled PBS audience. Never a word will ever be said about what happens on the Fox News Channel. More strikingly, never a word about that channel will ever appear in the very important magazine Goldberg serves as editor-in-chief.
Jeffrey Goldberg is very sharp. To him, we offer this bit of advice:
Motherfrumper, it's time you stood up like an actual human. It's time you got up off your asp!
On Gutfeld!, Hillary Clinton still murders her rivals. Joe Biden will soon be dead. The loathing of women is everywhere. The audience for this astonishing program dwarfs those on MS NOW.
Someone apparently told Greg Gutfeld to stop comparing women to horses. If he could learn a new way of life, why can't the cowardly clams who hold court at The Atlantic?
Tomorrow: They let the mutts out on Gutfeld! that night
Still coming: The one victim's deeply sad tale
