We turn to our greatest newspaper: It's a good day for some comic relief. For that reason, we turn to the world-class foppistry of the New York Times.
On the reimagined page A3, the foofaw comes early and often. That said, the Here to Help section may be Timesiest of all:
How to HelpWe sh*t you not. That's what it actually says.
HOW TO TACKLE CLEANING THE BATHROOM
Gonzo! The Times called in Jolie Kerr, a "cleaning expert," to give us a handful of tips. These are her five subheads, and no, we aren't making them up:
Scrub the shower and/or tub, sink and toiletNo, really. "Keep bathroom floors clean!" That's what the Times expert says!
Clean tile and grout
How to remove soap scum
Pick up loose hairs
Keep bathroom floors clear
(Beneath each heading, Kerr explains how to accomplish the task.)
Little on today's reimagined page is much better than this. In the feature called The Conversation, we learned about the mental horizons of (some of) the newspaper's readers:
The ConversationAt least they didn't fly the journalists in so they could taste-test the dogs. Meanwhile, those hot dogs made Times readers lose control! We'll permit ourselves an invidious guess—these are the people who constantly say how dumb The Others are.
FOUR OF THE MOST READ, SHARED AND DISCUSSED POSTS FROM ACROSS NYTIMES.COM
1. We Taste-Tested 10 Hot Dogs. Here Are the Best.
A hot-dog show-down by The Times's Julia Moskin, Sam Silton and Melissa Clark—all native New Yorkers—landed atop Wednesday's most-read list...
Each day, the Spotlight feature presents "additional reportage and repartee from our journalists." Today, the repartee is built around comments by Kirsten Dunst and Sofia Coppola concerning what it's like to work together. In our view, it's not their fault that the New York Times asked.
Page A3 is always there to offer comic relief. Meanwhile, atop page one of ThursdayStyles, we encountered this blurb:
2 UNBUTTONEDJudging authors by their clothes? We're keeping that one for the weekend!
Judging 50 authors by their clothes. BY VANESSA FRIEDMAN
The culture of the New York Times is extremely foppish. Branding says this can't be true. Problematically, though, it is.
Important point: You have to buy the hard-copy Times to receive this comic relief.