BREAKING: How drunk was "Mr. Drunky Pants?"

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2018

Rational animal's horseplay: According to the New York Times, "a night of heavy drinking" had been involved.

This claim could be true, of course. That said, it also could be false. At the end of December, this is way the front-page report began:

LAFRANIERE, MAZZETTI AND APUZZO (12/31/17): During a night of heavy drinking at an upscale London bar in May 2016, George Papadopoulos, a young foreign policy adviser to the Trump campaign, made a startling revelation to Australia’s top diplomat in Britain: Russia had political dirt on Hillary Clinton.

About three weeks earlier, Mr. Papadopoulos had been told that Moscow had thousands of emails that would embarrass Mrs. Clinton, apparently stolen in an effort to try to damage her campaign.

Exactly how much Mr. Papadopoulos said that night at the Kensington Wine Rooms with the Australian, Alexander Downer, is unclear. But two months later, when leaked Democratic emails began appearing online, Australian officials passed the information about Mr. Papadopoulos to their American counterparts, according to four current and former American and foreign officials with direct knowledge of the Australians’ role.

You'll note the lack of specific sourcing concerning the amount of drinking. That said, the Times led with the "heavy drinking," which of course made the story more fun.

Especially in the realm of corporate cable news, rational animals often just want to have fun. A few months later, a major star of the clownish medium entertained us humans as shown below.

As this corporate channel explicitly says in its ads, this is why we watch:

ANONYMOUS HUGE CABLE STAR (3/1/18): The New York Times reported late last year that it all started because of a demon drink. The Times reported that the FBI's counterintelligence investigation on the Russia matter began during the campaign because of some drunken talk by Trump adviser George Papadopoulos.

Quote: "During a night of heavy drinking at an upscale London bar in May 2016, George Papadopoulos made a startling revelation to Australia's top diplomat in Britain. He said that Russia had political dirt on Hillary Clinton." That is what triggered the FBI investigation.

When the special counsel charged George Papadopoulos with lying in October, we got more about where that drunken talk had come from. Quote: On or about April 26th, 2016, the professor, a professor from Malta named Joseph Mifsud, mysterious character, told defendant George Papadopoulos that they, the Russians, have dirt on her. The Russians had e-mails of Clinton. They have thousands of e-mails.

George Papadopoulos bragged about that to a guy in a bar drunkenly in May 2016. But he really had been told about it the month before, in April 2016. And it turned out to be true.

I mean, it was drunken smack talk when he bragged about it to this Australian guy, but it was true information. The Russians did have thousands of e-mails they stole from the Democrats and the Clinton campaign.

Thanks to Mr. Drunky Pants and his eventual guilty plea, we know that before those stolen Democratic e-mails began appearing online in July 2016, the Trump campaign, at least one member of the Trump campaign, knew that Russia had them—knew, was aware, that Russia had those e-mails, aware about it enough to brag about it in a bar over a few drinks.

Good lord, that was fun! On this occasion, Ms. Cable News Stupid Ass entertained us rubes with highly entertaining talk about Mr. Drunky Pants!

Just to be clear, Drunky Pants hadn't just been drunk on that drunken evening! Drunky Pants had been bragging too, back when he engaged in all that drunken smack talk.

On Olympus, the gods refer to this type of clowning as "the horseplay of the animals." They laugh, indeed they laugh very hard, as they delightedly say this.

This particular cable clown had similarly entertained us on January 2. On that occasion, she had described the way the "drunk braggart" in question "got drunk in London last May and, on a drinking binge...told a top Australian diplomat that Russia" blah blah blah blah blah.

That's what the drunk braggart had done "on this drunk evening in London."

For all our famous rationality, we famously rational rational animals love this type of amusement. But how odd! After March, this particular clowning cable news clown stopped amusing us in this manner.

Why did the Drunky Pants horseplay stop? It may have stopped because the Australian diplomat said, in an April interview, that there had been no heavy drinking on the drunken night in question. Not even by Drunky Pants!

This may or may not have been true, of course, but that's what the diplomat told a reporter from The Australian in a formal interview. The news report which resulted started off like this (no free link available):

MAGRAY (4/28/18): Alexander Downer is sitting in the comfy Australian high commissioner's office at the century-old Australia House that overlooks the Strand. As the bells of St. Martin-in-the-Fields ring in the background, he leans across the coffee table and insists conspiratorially: it was just the one gin and tonic.

And to stress the point, he says the gin measure was typically mean—just 25ml, which is normal for a London bar, not the sort of lavish pour one might offer friends at Stoke Lodge, the Australian government's residence near Hyde Park.

But it was over that single short drink, accompanied by Erika Thompson, a counsellor at the high commission, late one afternoon in May 2016 that Downer met George Papadopoulos, then an adviser in Donald Trump's campaign team.

Wouldn't you know it? All over the world, we famously rational animals made the amount of drinking the lede!

Downer may have been lying, of course, but that's what Downer said. As far as we know, Erika Thompson hasn't gone on the record about the amount of drinking involved, whether by Mr. Drunky Pants or by her diplomat boss.

Yesterday, Drunky Pants went on the record about the drinking himself. He did so in an interview with the New York Times.

The interview boasts a comical aspect. You can enjoy it here:

MAZZETTI (9/8/18): Going back to the meeting with [Alexander] Downer. What were you guys drinking?

PAPADOPOULOS: I think I had a gin and tonic.

MAZZETTI: Did you drink a number of gin and tonics? How much did you drink?

PAPADOPOULOS: No, I think I had one or two drinks. I think Downer himself, in numerous interviews, kept explaining that we had one drink or two drinks. No one was drunk, as some articles stated that we might have been. At least I don’t remember being drunk. I don’t think he was drunk. I don’t think his assistant was drunk. I think we had a couple drinks, that we were just talking.

This account may be untrue, of course. That said, Drunky Pants made a point of citing Downer's past statements on this topic—statements we'd never heard anyone mention, perhaps because they would have introduced uncertainty into this part of the tale, undermining our fun.

The humor occurs when Papadopoulos refers to "some articles [which] stated that we might have been [drunk]." He was speaking to one of the authors of the original news report which put that notion into play, but neither Mazzetti nor Drunky Pants chose to address this point.

Last night, the cable clown who likes to cavort quoted this part of the interview. She quoted Drunky's denial of drunkenness, and his reference to Downer's earlier denial of drunkenness.

Being a thoroughly rational animal, she didn't address the way these statements contradict the earlier fun she'd provided. Instead, she found a new way to destroy her viewers' brain cells, along with their sense of what actually matters:

ANONYMOUS CORPORATE-OWNED CLOWN (9/7/18): The judge ordered Papadopoulos to serve two weeks in jail. The judge said he had been inclined to give Mr. Papadopoulos a month in jail but he cut in it half because he was impressed by Papadopoulos` remorse over what he had done.

So, George Papadopoulos impressed the judge with his remorse. He will do 14 days in jail, plus a year of supervised release, plus 200 hours of community service, plus a fine of $9,500.

That sentence led to these ecstatic tweets from George's mom, Kiki Papadopoulos.

It is amazing the number of people I've learned about who I would never otherwise encounter because of the criminal cases involving people close to the president and his campaign.

Mrs. Papadopoulos said this today, after the sentence. Quote: "Just left courthouse. Amazing judge. Judge gave George two weeks of jail time! Amazing! God bless America."

And then, a few minutes later, "Judge Moss is a fair and good man! Everything went amazing! He is grrrrrreat."

Like Tony the Tiger. Grrrrreat!

So entertaining, and so insulting to the viewer's intelligence! To watch this idiot please you this way, you can just click here.

As usual, this cable star had found a way to talk about herself. It's amazing, the number of people she's learned about!

As usual, she was entertaining us the rubes with brainless, mindless drivel.

As we've told you in the past, she loves to drag in, and attempt to embarrass, any uninvolved parents and kids. In this case, she decided to go all Tony the Tiger on the mother of Drunky Pants.

This cable star clowned on other points, including a few basic matters. Back in April, for whatever it's worth, Downer had also undercut a few pleasing parts of the standard tale.

That said, we're going to let you search these points out. Ain't rational conduct grand?