WEDNESDAY: The fuller "Masculinity monologues!"

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2025

Jesse Watters speaks: In this morning's report, we reproduced part of Jesse Watters' "Masculinity monologues," as captured by the leading authority on these Fox News Channel orations.

A tiny bit of background:

In recent months, we'd been wondering if we'd ever be able to capture the sheer absurdity of these soliloquies about the ways modern men and women should behave. There wasn't any obvious way search for the various things this Fox News Channel star has said—but then, we saw that Wikipedia has created a compilation of his pronouncements regarding these all-important gender issues.

In this morning's report, we published something like half of that authority's compilation. Below, you see Wikipedia's full account of Watters' wit and wisdom in this area. 

We wouldn't reproduce this material if it didn't strike us as a reasonable summary of the things this "cable news" nut-ball says when he heads off onto one of these jags:

Jesse Watters

[...]

Comments on masculinity

Watters has criticized former President Joe Biden for licking ice cream in public as "a grown man." He has instructed men on how they should wave and belittled those who grocery shop with their wives. In September 2024, Jesse Watters was criticized for comments he made on The Five regarding Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, who had shared a photo of himself drinking a milkshake with a paper straw. Watters mocked the image as an example of Walz's lack of masculinity because he used a straw which he claimed made women not like Walz because women like masculinity. He said that asking for a "vanilla shake" instead of a "vanilla ice cream shake" also makes men look weak. The remarks sparked backlash, with critics accusing Watters of promoting outdated gender norms and using a trivial moment to push political commentary. Governor Walz responded by defending the post and encouraging a focus on real issues rather than manufactured culture wars.

In March 2025, Watters listed his "five rules for men" on The Five – don't be that serious just be funny, don't eat soup in public, don't cross your legs, don't drink from a straw and don't wave simultaneously with two hands because men wave with one hand, not both hands at the same time. He added that one of the reasons you don't drink from a straw is the way your lips purse which is very effeminate. He said referring to Minnesota Governor Tim Walz that Walz's excuse was, " 'Well I was drinking a milkshake.' Again, you shouldn't be drinking a milkshake. Milkshakes are for kids." Watters was reacting to Walz's appearance on the This is Gavin Newsom podcast, where he said that MAGA voters are "scared" of his masculinity because he doesn't joke that he can fix a truck and that MAGA focused on attacking him for his masculinity "obsessively" during the 2024 presidential election. His comments were widely ridiculed as revealing his insecurity on social media according to The Independent and an image of him and Donald Trump whom he strongly supports drinking from a straw surfaced on social media.

In April 2025, Watters said that "When you sit behind a screen all day, it makes you a woman. Studies have shown this," and as one of the panelists cackled, he repeated the claim; while debating a MAGA author's claim that President Donald Trump's tariffs will reverse a crisis of masculinity in the U.S. by bringing back jobs requiring physical strength. He also said "If you're out working ... you are around other guys; you're not around HR ladies and lawyers. That gives you estrogen." The Five co-host Jeanine Pirro pushed back saying "You sit behind a screen." The incident sparked backlash across social media.

That passage isn't well written. But so the leading authority has said, with some links provided, as it tries to capture the essence of these rules for the road. 

To what extent are these sorts of pronouncements supposed to be taken as serious? We'd say that isn't entirely clear. 

As we've noted in the past, Watters slithers back and forth between a pair of personas. He offers standard recitations of mandated Fox News Channel dogma, then lapses into what experts describe as "silly-boy entertainment mode." 

That said, he still refers to Governor Walz as "Tampon Tim," or simply as "Tampon," and he seems to take delight in suggesting that Walz, and other major Democrats, are secretly gay. So it goes as the Fox News Channel pretends to present "cable news."

Personally, we think it qualifies as news when this sort of foolishness, accompanied by gay-baiting and by the "cackling" of other panelists, is featured on The Five and Jesse Watters Primetime, the two most-watched TV shows in the American "cable news" multiverse. For whatever reason, Blue America's major news orgs insist on averting their gaze.

We offer this presentation by Wikipedia for entertainment purposes only. On the other hand, it strikes as news that stupidifications of this type emerge, on a fairly regular basis, from the high-powered clown cars which transport the major stars of today's imitations of "news."