Part 4—Enabling the press corps’ jewels: In recent decades, with some exceptions, our own liberal professors have been almost wholly useless.
Inept and inane, but mainly just absent, they have enabled a deeply fatuous mainstream press corps.
No one stepped forward to challenge a raft of absurd budget claims which have driven the discourse. (“The Social Security trust fund is a pile of worthless IOUs!”)
No one stepped forward to challenge the claim that Candidate Gore was the world’s biggest liar. Like God, our liberal professors have pretty much seemed to be dead.
When God is dead and professors follow, we’re left with the inanities which come to us from the mainstream press. Let’s look at some recent examples.
The Post presents a real jewel: “These are my jewels,” Cornelia Scipionis Africana is famously said to have said. (Haec ornamenta sunt mea!)
The virtuous Roman matron was referring, of course, to her children. On February 23, the Washington Post’s Karen Tumulty—someone we like!—pounded out one of the press corps’ typical jewels.
Her piece ran more than 1700 words. This is what the headline said:
“Documents show the expensive tastes of Jeb Bush's low-key wife”
Gack! On and on the “news report” ran, detailing jewelry purchases by Columba Bush back in the 1990s. In 1999 or 2000, “she took out a loan to buy $42,311.70 worth of jewelry on a single day, according to records filed with the state of Florida by Mayors Jewelers,” Tumulty reported.
After that, this appeared:
TUMULTY (2/23/15): That purchase was part of a pattern by Columba Bush of borrowing to buy tens of thousands of dollars of jewelry at a time from the South Florida store over a 14-year period. Documentation available online, which does not include the details of two transactions made less than six weeks apart in 1995, shows that she spent a total of more than $90,000 at the store.The report ran 1724 words. A valiant attempt was made to pretend the report was relevant to the 2016 White House campaign.
Jeb Bush's political team insisted that her tastes and shopping habits should not be an issue. "Mrs. Bush bought jewelry from time to time from Mayors Jewelers over the years. Though not required to be reported, these purchases in 2000 were included as accounts payable on Governor Bush's financial disclosure that year, and paid off the next," Bush spokeswoman Kristy Campbell said by e-mail.
(Silly Jeb Bush's political team! They insisted that her tastes and shopping habits shouldn't be an issue!)
This recent jewel followed the now-mandatory “news report” in which the Boston Globe’s Michael Kranish pretended to examine claims that Jeb Bush may have been a bully in high school.
To his credit, Bush doesn’t seem to have strapped his dog to the roof of his car at any point in his life. Though we feel sure the Globe is still looking.
Columba Bush bought too many jewels! We’re fairly sure that this pitiful nonsense came from the brain of Tumulty’s editor, not from Tumulty herself.
Still, the “press corps” has been displaying these jewels for decades now. Our liberal professors have been too grand to issue jeremiads against this brain-eating type of “journalism.”
Once again, Dowd smells the dress: Tumulty fingered Columba’s jewels in the Washington Post. Last Sunday, Maureen Dowd returned, as she always does, to a certain blue semen-stained dress.
We Irish! We just can’t seem to do it! We can’t get those presidential bodily fluids out of our nun-tortured heads!
Last week, an email flap blew up around Hillary Clinton. Needless to say, this reminded Dowd of ten blow jobs Bill Clinton received long ago.
She simply can’t stop sniffing that dress! Dowd’s column featured a doddering old portrait painter who really seems to think the world is all about him. In a world where God and our liberal professors are dead, this is what the inner mind of a Pulitzer Prize winner looks like:
DOWD (3/8/15): Somewhere in Smithsonian storage sits a portrait of Bill Clinton with two odd features: He is standing next to a shadow meant to conjure Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress, and he is not wearing his gold wedding ring.Dowd’s career has been built around one premise—typing “Lewinsky” feels good.
As we have been reminded by a recent wild cascade of stories, everything about the Clintons is convoluted. Nothing is simple, even a celebratory portrait.
Nelson Shanks, picked by Clinton to do his portrait for the National Portrait Gallery, revealed to the Philadelphia Daily News that he had used a blue dress on a mannequin to evoke the shadow of the Lewinsky scandal in the portrait.
I called the 77-year-old artist to ask about his devilish punking.
Nelson Shanks (real name!) is pathetic—just completely sad. Dowd, of course, is many times worse. She devoted the first half of her Sunday column to that twenty-year-old blue dress.
The one with the semen stains on it!
Have you ever seen a liberal professor stoop to the task of denouncing Dowd’s assault on the mental life of the American people? When our own professors are missing and dead, observably crazy people like Dowd will stagger into the breach, fingering their own overused jewels as they type their brain-eating columns.
The latest mincing remarks of the high lady Collins: As usual, Gail Collins has nothing to say in her New York Times column.
Today, she’s saying it about the Clinton email flap. How hard does Collins work to keep herself safe with both 1) her liberal readers and 2) her inane journalistic guild?
Nobody plays it safe quite the way Lady Collins does! Ponder this one deathless quote from this morning’s piddle:
“Clinton is both the best and worst retail politician on the national stage.”
Collins referred to Romney’s dog in more than fifty columns. As a general matter, her liberal readers are unable to see that they’re getting played by this profoundly lazy, self-protecting person.
Since our own liberal professors are dead, no one is able to tell them.
In her column, Collins piddles around with the email flap. She repeats enough talking-points to keep herself safe with her colleagues, who are inventing this latest diversion.
How dumb is Collins willing to be? Peruse this pitiful logic:
COLLINS (3/12/15): Even Democrats who are comfortable with the lack of newness in the Clinton candidacy have been dismayed about the email matter. The way she handled her communications was the exact opposite of transparency in public service. Particularly the part where she let some unidentified lawyers decide which messages belonged to the government and which ones were private conversations that ought to be expunged from history.Really? It was “the exact opposite of transparency” when Clinton and/or staff separated emails about the Sudan from emails about Chelsea’s wedding?
By now, a wide range of journalists have managed to note a blindingly obvious fact—an obvious fact Clinton stated. If Clinton had used two email accounts—one for business and one for private matters—then she would have been making this same separation in real time, the way everyone else in the whole freaking government does.
That’s the way the system works! Collins, maintaining faith with the guild, calls the task of making this separation “the exact opposite of” everything transparent and holy.
(Also, Butch Otter’s name is funny!)
Liberals and Democrats simply can't see the horrible Collins for what she is. When our own professors refuse to speak, we are left with these terrible people further destroying our brains.
Columba Bush bought too many jewels! Emails make Maureen Dowd think of dried fluid! Lady Collins minces and ducks, just as she always has done.
Tomorrow, we’ll look at these letters. Letters like those end up in the Times when our liberal professors, like The Seventh Seal's God, steadfastly refuse to appear.
This afternoon: Professors Yancy and Sheth hold court in a famous newspaper