From Cupcake Wars to Candy Crush Saga!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2013

We don’t find this hard to believe: At the start of this morning’s column, Gail Collins had a confession to make:

COLLINS (12/19/13): For the past couple of months I have been in the thrall of a game called Candy Crush Saga.

It’s about matching little colored thingies on your iPad or phone. I am not going to explain it in any more depth because that would just make this whole discussion more humiliating.

Presumably, no one familiar with Collins’ work will find this hard to believe.

Just a bit later, the New York Times ace went into more detail:

COLLINS: About the game: It’s been played about 150 billion times over the past year. There is no reward for winning; you just advance to another level in an ever-growing chain of chocolate mountains and lemonade lakes.

I told you this was embarrassing. I used to be addicted to playing BrickBreaker on my cellphone, and I now recall those days as my own personal version of Athens in the Age of Pericles.

Has anyone given a better description of the modern American discourse? You just keep advancing in an ever-growing chain of lemonade lakes!

We recall being surprised when Collins wrote a column in which she seemed to assume that readers would recognize the name “Cupcake Wars.”

Skillfully, we looked it up. According to the leading authority, “Cupcake Wars is a Food Network reality-based competition show hosted by Justin Willman based on creating unique and professional-style cupcakes.”

Do people watch Cupcake Wars while playing Candy Crush Saga?

For years, we’ve been amazed at the general fatuity of Collins’ work. (We'll ignore her capacity for making large errors.) Do you ever get the feeling that the foppists atop our journalistic elites may not be all that?

Half the people she knows: Half the people Collins knows are caught in the Candy Crush craze:

COLLINS: I am only modestly comforted by the fact that half the people I know all seem to be in the same ditch. My sister Mary Ann got lost in the game while she was parked in a shopping mall, until a woman started banging rather urgently on her window.

“She said she wanted to make sure I was O.K. because I was sitting with the car running and my head in my hand for a long time. I thanked her and said I was texting,” said Mary Ann. “I was too embarrassed to say I was playing Candy Crush.”

We’re just saying.