BREAKING: Horizons of our smartest newspaper!

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2018

Rational animals wallow:
In a moment of pique, we said that we were going to do this. With our vast moral greatness, we will.

Warning! What follows is coming to you, live and direct, from the "reimagined" Page A3 in today's New York Times. (Hard copy editions only.)

What are the cultural horizons of our tribe's smartest newspaper? Yesterday brought some troubling news. But on Page A3 of this morning's Times, this was the Quote of the Day:
Quote of the Day
“I don’t mind someone having a snack. A full-on subway meal or a roast chicken, leaving the bones all over the place, isn’t acceptable.”

ANDY BYFORD, president of the New York City Transit Authority, on the limits of eating on the go.
That was yesterday's top quote! For full background, click here.

That was Page A3's key quote. At the top of the page, in the Of Interest feature, the editors listed seven "noteworthy facts."

Below, you see the first three entries. Not a word has been changed:
Of Interest
NOTEWORTHY FACTS FROM TODAY'S PAPER

A headless ghost of a worker decapitated during the Brooklyn Bridge’s construction is also said to haunt the area. (No word on sightings of the five gray aliens that a woman said abducted her nearby in 1989.)

As we age, muscles and other supportive tissues around the eye relax. That, paired with waning elasticity in the skin, causes fat that was once at deeper levels to migrate to the surface, causing eyelid bags.

The messaging app WhatsApp says that there are six people in the average group.
You're right! However those facts might be described, they don't seem highly "noteworthy." Nor did it get much better from there. This was the seventh such fact:
Of Interest
NOTEWORTHY FACTS FROM TODAY'S PAPER

[...]

In a report this summer, the European Food Safety Authority concluded that “there is no evidence that large fences have been effective for the containment of wild suids,” using a word for the pig animal family.
As presented, that might qualify as a slightly mystifying fact.

(For the record, today's Of Interest feature contains a cartoon. We don't know which of the seven facts it's intended to illustrate.)

We'll close you out with today's Spotlight feature. This is what it says:
Spotlight
STORIES FROM OUR READERS

Tiny Love Stories, a new Modern Love project, asks contributors to share their epic love stories in 100 words or less. This week's batch of micro-nonfiction includes five tales of separate vacations, public-transit aficionados and other romantic gains and losses. Read one here:
There follows a photograph and a Tiny Love Story. (The writer's last name is "Bliss.") It comes to us as part of a new Modern Love project!

In this, our liberal tribe's greatest newspaper, the wars against the Clintons and Gore began in early 1992 in a series of bungled, front-page Whitewater "news reports."

Those wars have never ended. Michelle Cottle continued the war against Hillary Clinton in her recent Sunday Review recitation. (More on that still to come.)

As of now, these endless journalistic wars have served to elect George W. Bush in 2000 and Donald J. Trump in 2016, with perhaps one more term to follow.

Children are dead all over Iraq just from this paper's ugly, monstrously stupid behavior in 1999 and 2000. When you find yourself discussing how dumb The Others so amazingly are, try to remember that our own admittedly brilliant tribe has endlessly swallowed this mountain of cant from these high-ranking rational animals for the past 26 years.

"Creeping Dowdism," Katherine Boo said. We self-impressed, highly rational animals chose to just keep on truckin'.

33 comments:

  1. "As of now, these endless journalistic wars have served to elect George W. Bush in 2000 and Donald J. Trump in 2016, with perhaps one more term to follow."

    No, Bob. You imaginary "journalistic wars" didn't "serve to elect George W. Bush". By making this claim, you're revealing yourself as an arrogant liberal scumbag, one of those you love to hate.

    Ordinary people are not idiots (like you liberals)
    easily swayed by your goebbelsian journos. Ordinary people are clear-thinking and pragmatic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since Mao is a poor benighted "other", we liberals must excuse his involuntary lashing out and name calling that we have driven him to.

      Although, he may have a point, when you think about it. Somerby does seem to view the "others" as having the mental capacity of chimps, or the agency of insects, mere puppets of their superiors, the libs.

      Delete
    2. Tsk. Poor dembot, butthurt by name-calling. Me heart's bleedin'.

      Delete
    3. I was agreeing with you, Trumpbot. And using something called "irony", which you seem to have missed. Maybe Somerby is right after all.

      Delete
    4. Oy, it sounds like the butthurt dembot has been butthurt again. God forgive me.

      Delete
    5. I'm not upset that you called Somerby a scumbag. Why would that bother me? You may be right.

      Delete
    6. What happened to civil discourse, Mao? Your nerves seem to be getting frayed. How'd you get to be such an expert on "ordinary people?"

      Delete
    7. It would be a national tragedy if Mao resorted to civil discourse with the lib zombie death cultists typing their programmed thoughts into the Howler comments section. He's the straw that stirs the drink here.

      Delete
    8. Re; butthurt, butthurt, butthurt

      I haven't seen this much homo-erotic projection, since Republicans accused Dems of shoving government healthcare "down their throats".

      Delete
    9. "homo-erotic projection"

      You sound like someone with a grotesquely distorted view of the homos, my dear butthurt dembot. And, I must say, it's fascinating; carry on, please.

      Delete
  2. The criticisms about content and quotes aren't really what Boo meant by the term Creeping Dowdism, but hey, a complaint is a complaint.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Today, our President issued threats against the media, blaming the bombings on CNN and telling them they better clean up their act, fast! But Somerby thinks the most important media problem to talk about is content on page A3.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What "bombings", dembot? Have you been using again?

      Delete
    2. There were bombings? There weren't even bombs.

      Delete
    3. There were bombings because bombs were delivered. There weren't explosions and so no injuries or destruction of property. This was a terrorist act because people are frightened. This makes people feel vulnerable and it is targeted against specific political actors.

      Deflecting by claiming these weren't bomb because they didn't explode, or claiming Democrats did this themselves, is an additional wrong. In such situations it is traditional for the political opposition to express concern and to disavow violence. Conservatives are not doing that. They are behaving like co-conspirators. Especially Trump.

      Delete
    4. Actually, @5:28, here is Trump's reaction to the bombs

      Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump, Vice President Mike Pence and other political leaders on Wednesday denounced the bombs sent to 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, President Barack Obama and CNN's New York bureau, among other locations.

      "In these times we have to unify, we have to come together and send one very clear, strong, unmistakable message that acts or threats of political violence of any kind have no place in the United States of America," Trump said Wednesday at the White House.
      The White House called the attempted attacks "despicable."
      "The United States Secret Service and other law enforcement agencies are investigating and will take all appropriate actions to protect anyone threatened by these cowards," White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said in a statement.

      Delete
    5. So tell me, David, was this before or after Trump praised Gianforte for body slamming a reporter? Get back to us with how much you think Trump gives one damn about this.

      Delete
    6. Trump has not spoken to any of the targets of the bombs, not promised updates on the progress of the investigation, as is customary.

      Delete
    7. "There were bombings because bombs were delivered."

      So, you are using. Get help, dembot. Lib-zombie cult got no use for damaged individuals.

      Delete
    8. No whining about how "uncivil" the bomb mailer is, Mao?

      Delete
  4. The New York Times is doing worse things than publishing pap. In a collection of fictional essays published Tuesday, one author fantasized about a Secret Service agent helping the Russians assassinate Trump.

    The Russian waited until they were a few steps past before he drew the gun. He sighted on the center of the president’s back, and squeezed the trigger.

    he Makarov misfired.

    The Secret Service agent at the president’s shoulder heard the click, spun into a crouch. He registered the scene instantly, drawing his own weapon with razor-edge reflexes.

    The Russian tasted failure. He closed his eyes and waited to pay the cost.

    It did not come.

    He opened his eyes. The Secret Service agent stood before him, presenting his Glock, butt first.

    ‘Here,’ the agent said politely. ‘Use mine. …’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's safe to assume that you are lying, even about this.

      Delete
  5. Somerby rolls out his "greatest" hits talking about the "Noteworthy Facts." for the billionth time. It's the second time just this week. The irony is, in wasting an entire post on this, he produces a post with no more content than the Noteworthy Facts. Actually, it contains less content than the Noteworthy Facts, since his post is merely a cut and paste with no additional content. At least the Facts are about something.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so old I can remember long ago last Friday when Somerby said this:

    "For the record, we agree with Cottle's first point—with the idea that Clinton's recent interviews are likely to be unhelpful to Democrats in next month's elections."

    For the record, that is Cottle's only point.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "our own admittedly brilliant tribe has endlessly swallowed this mountain of cant from these high-ranking rational animals for the past 26 years."

    Has Somerby ever visited liberal blogs in the past 13 years? There is massive unrelenting criticism of the "mainstream media" there. So what is he talking about? You can't prove a point by using a false statement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell, has he ever spoken to an actual liberal?

      Delete
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZQEQIZ45hg

    ReplyDelete
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