Breaking: The happiest time of the year is upon us!

MONDAY, APRIL 22, 2013

The time when you rush to take part: With the immediate miseries of Boston behind us, we have decided to proceed with the happiest time of the year.

People will suffer in Boston for years. Others will suffer around the world.

None of us ever do enough. But in the next two weeks, we’re going to give you the glorious chance to contribute to our efforts.

Each day this week, we will lay out our plans for the coming year. We will define four large interests we plan to pursue. And we’ll make our annual promise to be a bit less unpleasant!

By now, you know that the various things we say have no effect on the wider discourse. One obvious example:

People don’t want to discuss the rising test scores achieved by American kids. No matter how many times we report the relevant data, absolutely nothing will make other people discuss them.

People, it just isn’t done! The gods of the scripts must be honored!

That said, you may decide that our efforts will be of some value in the long run. If so, we hope you’ll contribute to our efforts. Analysts very much need new shoes!

Last Monday, we advised you to start liquidating your assets as this exciting fund drive approached. After the destruction in Boston, we didn’t advise you further.

But if you do watch to pitch in, you can do so by just clicking here. Did we mention the fact that we plan to be a bit less unpleasant this year?

Tomorrow, we’ll discuss four areas of focus. One of the four will hurt.