BREAKING! Mueller kidnapped, no ransom note found!


The god who clammed and thus failed:
Half the country wants to hear (but mainly just see!) the elusive Hope Hicks speak out.

But even as that theme plays out, another key figure has disappeared. To all appearances, Robert S. Mueller—Mueller the God—has been kidnapped by some unnamed party, with no ransom note found!

Less dramatically, it seems that Mueller is simply refusing to speak to congressional committees. This behavior reaffirms one of this site's greatest themes.

Mueller was crowned as an establishment god over the course of the past several years. All over anti-Trump cable, scripted performers described the feats the fellow would surely perform with his so-called Mueller report.

Fabulous theories were presented as the next best thing to fact. He already had Trump's tax returns! The whole crew would be frog-marched to jail!

When the Mueller report appeared, it was a major letdown. Now it seems that Mueller the God is refusing to speak to the Congress. This reaffirms one of our basic holdings:
When our pundits decide, as a group, that someone is an establishment god, that god will end up taking advantage of his exalted status.
(Why do we say "his?" See explanation below.)

How reliable is this thesis? We recall the exalted Colin Powell delivering that flimsy UN report. In the end, a succession of these universally acclaimed big pundit gods have failed.

(For the most recent example, we'd offer James B. Comey, once known as Comey the God. And by the way: Despite his squirrelly conduct in 2016, he's being re-established as a god now that he's anti-Trump.)

When happiest, our press corps runs on novelized tales about various demons and angels. This pattern has surfaced again in the way Mueller has been getting a pass during his months of avoidance.

Admit it! You almost never hear a discussion of the way this god has clammed. As they typically do at such junctures, the pundits are giving their great god a pass! Paul Ryan was always so honest, so wonky and so sincere, right up to the end!

In our view, it's amazing that Mueller has refused to appear before Congress. But the boys and girls of the pundit corps just keep averting their gaze from this remarkable conduct.

Who died and made Robert Mueller a god? The celebrity press corps did! That said, they've been engaged in this serial nonsense for at least the past thirty years.

Gender and the godhead: Almost all these establishment gods have been men. We'd say that Condoleezza Rice got about halfway there.

That said—for an example of our great theme, how about Sheryl Sandberg?

We could have said it, but didn't: Directly after paragraph 1:

"We've been subpoenaing Hicks for years. But we couldn't get her to respond!"


  1. She looks like a man, but, hey, whatever floats your boat.

    So are you saying Mueller could have done a better job?

    If only he understood what a foreign national is.


  2. What's the big deal with ignoring a congressional subpoena? The congress is there to (primarily) make laws, not to run endless investigations of their political opponents.

    The last I saw, the congress has 15% (or so) approval rating. So, they can try to convict him for 'contempt' now; we'll see how that plays out.

    1. "What's the big deal with ignoring a congressional subpoena?"

      Exactly. Nothing is really illegal. Hence, no such thing as illegal immigrants. It's bad enough Trump is a lazy, incurious piece of shit, but does he have to waste everyone's time and money on non-problems?

    2. Improper entry into the US is a misdemeanor, unauthorized presence in the US is not a crime.

  3. “As they typically do at such junctures, the pundits are giving their great god a pass!”

    That would be fascinating, if it were true.

  4. “"We've been subpoenaing Hicks for years. But we couldn't get her to respond!"”


    Whatever Somerby thinks the media is up to, the congressional Democrats have been trying to get people to appear, but have seen refusals and defiance from Trump/Barr to lawful subpoenas. The House is probably going to subpoena Mueller.

    Somerby needs to quit conflating the media with Democrats.

  5. I have got to agree with TDH on this. Mueller certainly let the country down. I read the entire report, nowhere is there any evidence that the Mueller investigation even attempted to answer the question, "Why did Russia work so hard to sabotage Clinton and elect Trump? Why?"

    He sure fooled me.

    1. Here you go young'n.

      The answer to that question is and has been obvious since before the 2016 election.

    2. Yes, I was aware of that component of the explanation. Putin doesn't want the USA lead by a President who understood that “Strength and resolve were the only language Putin would understand.” But there's more and Mueller carefully didn't touch any of it. Strange and disappointing.

    3. War continues in Syria, but now it is ignored.

      Putin is a menace to the world.

      The Democratic Party is moving past the old guard of corporatist centrists, but Clinton would have provided a good balance of risks on foreign affairs.

    4. Like she did on Libya? She was a foreign policy disaster of the highest order.

      The “surge” in Afghanistan, the winding down of the Iraq occupation, the huge increase in drone strikes in Pakistan and Afghanistan, killing hundreds of civilians and terrorizing whole regions, the failure of the Obama administration to end U.S. client state Israel’s illegal settlements on the West Bank and a deterioration in high-level U.S.-Israeli relations, various U.S. interventions during the “Arab Spring;” the U.S./NATO assault on Libya that destroyed that modern state, etc.? Hillary was a key player in all these events.

      Her so-called foreign policy ‘experience’ has been to support every war demanded by the US deep security state run by the military and the CIA.

      Her foreign policy record is so bad it almost justified a vote for Trump on it alone.

    5. Oh, definitely. Barry was a clown and a tool, but at least he isn't a psycho, like the old psycho-witch. If she'd gotten the launch codes, we all would've been dead by now.

    6. She's so far gone, she might have named John "I never met a war I wouldn't want to send my doorman's kid to fight" Bolton as her National Security Advisor. LOL.

      Normally, I'd tell someone as clueless as you to get their head out of their ass, but having your head stuck up your own ass (as opposed to the establishment's) would be a step in the right direction.

    7. SwansonJune 20, 2019 at 12:07 AM

      You are a very confused person and I do not think you read the article you referenced.

      Whatever, it does not matter. Nothing hinges on how you view things.

  6. I didn't think Hope Hicks could get any hotter until she told the Democrat clowns to go fuck themselves.

    1. Treason against the United States of America is probably the most humorous thing about Conservatives. After all, cancer is funnier than any Conservative's sense of humor.

    2. Hope Hicks is too masculine for my heterosexual urges, she is as interesting as a door knob. Whatever she told whomever you are referencing, she was instructed to do so, she was following orders, and for Repubs that is what is hot.

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