"How to improve your outdoor space!"

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2019

No other newspaper like it:
Skillfully, we barked out this morning's orders to the eager young analysts.

"Bring us the dope on the Times' Ronda Kaysen," we skillfully, yet thoughtfully, said.

As it turns out, Kaysen is an award-winning journalist. We know that because she's willing to say so, at her own web site:
I am an award-winning freelance journalist and longtime contributor to the New York Times, where I write two regular columns. Right at Home takes readers along on my many misadventures in homeownership. Yes, figuring out how to install a home security system is confusing and no, I am not at all ashamed that I am addicted to open houses (I’m not the only one, either!)

[...]

I have won numerous awards,
including the 2018 President’s Award for the Best Freelance Collection from National Association of Real Estate Editors.

I got my start at The New York Observer, where I wrote about celebrities, books, wedding engagements and Manhattan neighborhoods...
We like to joke about the way our journalists use the award-winning term, "award-winning." That said, Kaysen's use of the term is perhaps a bit heavy-handed, even for scufflers like us.

At any rate, so what? We issued our orders today because of Kaysen's performance in the Times' daily "Here to Help" feature (print editions only). On this morning's page A3, it starts exactly like this:
Here to Help
HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR OUTDOOR SPACE

Your instinct might be to start with plants, but resist that urge. RONDA KAYSEN
Already, we were hooked! As we greedily perused the feature, we thought Kaysen's best work almost surely involved the enduring importance of shade:
Choose a shady spot for seating. “Shade is hugely important,” said Cara White, the founder of Elevations, an urban design studio in New York. “Where is your best opportunity to create shade?”

But if your only option is to have your seating area beneath the blazing sun, install a shade sail, a retractable awning or a large umbrella. Or, step it up and build a pergola, letting vines grow over it to create a natural canopy.
To her credit, Kaysen wasn't afraid to consult an expert on the question of whether shade is important when you're sitting outdoors. From there, Kaysen proceeded to earn her keep on her own:

Who else would think of erecting an awning, or perhaps even a large umbrella, to block the blazing sun? You simply can't gain insights like these in any other newspaper!

Increasingly, Future Anthropologists Huddled in Caves tell us that the Times' page A3 is the only newspaper page worth reading at this extremely late date.

"Mister Trump's War is drawing near," these disconsolate future scholars have glumly repeatedly told us. "On page A3, we see the remarkable folderol which will soon, at long last, bring the end times to pass."

Also on today's A3, we learned that this hard-hitting news report was "Monday's most read article." If you click, you'll see that it was the news report about Donald J. Trump getting booed at the baseball game.

Is there any way out of this hard-wired mess? Everything is possible, nine out of ten future logicians somewhat improbably claim!

15 comments:

  1. "Is there any way out of this hard-wired mess?"

    Sure there is, dear Bob. With a bit of luck, your liberal zombie cult will soon collapse and vanish from the pages of history. And we'll forget all this like a bad dream...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reality is hard to take, fantasies are more pleasant - partially explains situation with dems. But even if they 'vanish' - something else will replace it. And we will still be saddled with the Trump-zombie cult, unless they too somehow vanish.

      Delete
    2. Mao,
      Trump is a liar, a thief and a traitor.
      Get used to it.
      Despite your bullshit he will always be the worst president in US History.

      Lock him up! Lock him up!

      Suck harder. Scumbag.

      Delete
  2. I recommend the following for the type of story which will *not* “soon, at long last, bring the end times to pass.”:

    “Who is going to win the World Series?

    MONDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2019”

    http://dailyhowler.blogspot.com/2019/10/who-is-going-to-win-world-series.html

    Or you can check out the encyclopedia-sized sports sections in every newspaper in the country for equally important stuff.

    You see, sports is Important and Not At All Trivial.

    That popular story about Trump getting booed? IT HAPPENED AT THE WORLD SERIES.

    Guess Times readers were only supposed to care about the Important Matter of Who Will Win the World Series. Trump getting booed when he isn’t in his safe space? Trivial, liberals. Even if this reflects on Trump’s true popularity, and impacts his ability to start wars willy nilly, it’s just not IMPORTANT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As usual, someone like 3:23 misses the forest for the trees. Somerby was criticizing some iffy reporting. Have to admit, I didn’t review those reports, because I don’t give an iffy about baseball. Bob does. Hm. Well, it is his blog. I won’t hold it against him.

      This anon has apparently never noticed that Bob posts in two parts, most of the time: A main essay, then some “fluff.” Frankly, I grinned openly at the beginning of this post, and must admit some chuckles passed my teeth further on. As far as the main article, haven’t even got to it yet. Not sure I will. Gotta work overtime early tomorrow.

      Leroy

      Delete
  3. So the NYT has a lot of fluff. As far as I know, the still don't have horoscopes or comics. I would think TDH should get over it. It's only one part of the paper, and they are trying to sell papers, as others have observed. So what - just skip over it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I erect an awning every morning.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Today's Howler had me laughing out loud in public. Thank god for absurd newspaper articles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There was recently a Here To Help where the writer peddled a toothbrush by claiming to be too lazy to brush her teeth at night.

      Delete
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