THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2021
Her forever war against Them: It was Wednesday night, November 3. Over Here, within the tents of our own childish tribe, we were getting to have some fun.
Rachel Maddow had interviewed the man she twice described, on the evening in question, as "the great Steve Kornacki." (It's her persistent way of "selling the car," in this case the full corporate line.)
The great Kornacki explained to Rachel that NBC had just called the New Jersey gubernatorial race for our own tribe's candidate. At this point, we acolytes got to have some fun, even as we absorbed instruction in how to love Rachel more:
MADDOW (11/3/21): Steve, there's a bottle of hundred-proof rye in my office right now. If you're sitting in my desk chair, you go with your left elbow, there's a door that doesn't look like a door. If you open that up, you can have it.
KORNACKI: How about that? Now that you've told everybody where it is, I hope nobody beats me to it.
MADDOW: I was going to say, you should go now, because now everybody knows where it is. But you deserve it, my friend. Thank you for all of these hours. I appreciate it.
KORNACKI: Hey, thank you very much. Appreciate that.
MADDOW: All right. And I will just tell the control room, if my office door is locked, either get Steve a lock pick or let him in because, boy, yeah!
All right. Lots more to get to this evening. Stay with us.
At this point, Rachel adopted one of her practiced facial expressions. We were taken to a commercial break, during which we were sold products.
In that exchange with the great Kornacki, Rachel rewarded us acolytes with some fun. As of this morning, we're sorry to say, the network is running that perfect bullshit in an official MSNBC ad.
On our pitiful tribe's own cable channel, we're encouraged to believe that the multimillionaire cable stars are our buddies, our pals, our friends. They often let us share their fun, no one more often than Rachel. These are the tiny rewards we receive for being so loyal and helpless.
Indeed, at the end of Rachel's hour that evening, the fun about the bottle of whiskey started up all over again. At this point, Rachel was pretending to be friends with Lawrence. After a pointless discussion of the New Jersey polling, we pitiful rubes were rewarded again, this time during Lawrence's hour:
MADDOW: In New Jersey, you're totally right, it was like double digits in some cases, or high single digits. The polling was really wrong, and we don't know what the exact margin is going to be with Murphy and Ciattarelli, and Steve is hopefully going to drink liquor in my office and take a nap. But he doesn`t think there`s any chance it`s going to be a five, 6 percent margin. It's going to be tight when the final results come in, and that just means we were wrong, wrong, wrong.
O`DONNELL: I'm going to be going straight to your office at 11:00 to see if he's passed out with a jug that you told him about.
It made me wonder, what do I have in my office for Steve Kornacki?
MADDOW: The non-drinker [a reference to Lawrence].
O`DONNELL: There's an answer to it, and it's neckties, and he borrowed one a million years ago that he's worn a million times.
MADDOW: And this is why you need a diverse cadre of friends. From some you can get liquor, from some you can get clothing. He would never borrow clothing from me.
O`DONNELL: Exactly. There we are. Thank you, Rachel.
MADDOW: Thank you, Lawrence.
O`DONNELL: Thank you.
Well, as Rachel just reported, we do have a projected winner in the election for governor of New Jersey...
He would never borrow clothing from Rachel! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It was just so amazing and fun!
As we learned so long ago—first on Cheers, but then on Friends—it's great to have so many pals. real friends and imagined. It's great to see the way these friends let us look in on their lives!
Did we mention the fact that the corporate bosses have taken that bullshit and turned it into an ad for the channel itself? It's their way of letting us know how helpless they know we are, thanks to their marketing research.
Rachel "earns" her multimillions—you aren't allowed to know how many—by entertaining us in these endless ways. The entertainment features are seldom far away on the TV show. Neither are the selective presentations of tribally pleasing stories.
This Tuesday night, we got to enjoy "the night of the million dick jokes." The name is derived from the entertainment feature offered during Rachel's program that night. Perhapos for obvious reasons, it was a Maddow Show exclusive:
MADDOW (11/9/21): The dance card in Washington just broadly is quite—here is something I want to show you on a lighter note. Here is something I want to show you that we've got exclusively. This is going to start airing broadly tomorrow.
There`s pretty significant ad buy behind it, so you will likely be seeing it circulating tomorrow. I say that with a little bit of surprise because, to be honest, we had to double triple check with the lawyers to see if we were even allowed to play this ad on TV. It turns out, we are allowed to play it. And so I am going to show it to you.
Again, it is coming up tomorrow. We got it here exclusively tonight, this is the world premiere. It is not gory, or sweary, or upsetting or anything. But it is a little edgy. I think that's the right word. Let's see what you think. Watch.
Even though the ad wasn't sweary, our own tribal idiot double triple checked with the lawyers! So amazingly daring and cool!
In fact, you probably won't be seeing a whole lot of that ad. That's because, even now, most outlets have better judgment and better sense than Our Own Forever Child.
The forever child proceeded to play the whole ad. Hilariously, it was an endless series of plays on "erectile / elective dysfunction!" It was just so amazingly clever!
The ad's dick jokes ran on and on. When it mercifully came to an end, Our Forever Child offered this:
MADDOW: Admit it, that's very well done.
Represent Us is a good government group. They're an anti-corruption group. My favorite parts are the sad Twizzler. I will never eat a Twizzler again without laughing at it.
The ad's "sad Twizzler" couldn't stand up straight, just like a you-know-what.
That said, it was her favorite part. It's so much fun to share so much with Our Own Corporate Harlequin.
It would be hard to record all the foolishness found on this "sad Twizzler" TV show. We refer to the silly entertainments, but also to all the selective "reporting" on tribally pleasing themes.
Then too, the career politics! Yesterday, Our Own Rhodes Scholar found time to offer this tweet in recognition of the fact that Brian Williams will be leaving NBC:
MADDOW (11/10/21): I wish everyone could have the blessing of working alongside a colleague who is as hilarious, as wickedly capable, as enormously generous as the great Brian Williams. It's one of the true honors of my working life to have shared a desk (and so many midnight hot dogs) with him.
Those midnight hot dogs, so cool!
It may well be that "the great Brian Williams" is a generous, enjoyable colleague. We recall the astounding ways he misbehaved during Campaign 2000 as he ushed hi way towards the top. and the subsequent ways he dreamed shit up in the course of getting himself canned from NBC Nightly News.
We thought of the many people who died because of his astounding behavior in 1999 and 2000. Watching Maddow play the fool in tribute to a history like this, we thought of the people who died in that other Great War.
In all my dreams before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
In our view, Rachel likes to tell her own ancient tales with extreme "high zeal."
"Dulce et decorum est?" Yes, but also "the great Brian Williams." In such ways, we the suckers have always ended up getting sold.
At any rate, Williams clowned, and millions drowned. Today, our harlequin cheers him on. Those hot dogs were just so cool!
We'll postpone, until tomorrow, the principle thought behind this report. It deals with Maddow's "forever war"—the forever war we get to enjoy, her forever war against Others.
As we've long noted, Maddow is a master of imitations. Imitations of journalism abound—imitations of human discourse, imitations of life.
Tomorrow: The night of November 4