SNAPSHOTS FROM THE FAIL: Melania shown in a foreign-born dress!

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2017

Interlude—"We give up," deities tell us: "We give up," the deities said, standing at the foot of our Sechrist 2500B oxygen/barium chamber.

(It's the model endorsed by Tom Brady, who reportedly plans to play in the NFL until he's 140. For more information, click here.)

The gods directed us to Gail Collins' latest column, the one in today's New York Times. As usual, the column takes the form of an insipidly pleasing tongue-in-cheek quiz—a quiz about "current events."

Collins retired at least ten years back; the Times continue to publish her. The gods referred to Collins' oeuvre as a "Polaroid from the fail."

Have we the humans proven unequal to the changing technology of these changing times? Should Collins' presence at the top of the heap be taken as proof of the fail?

Collins writes for the New York Times, an utterly foppish social club which can't find a serious female columnist, even as it postures about all manner of identity issues.

Its one female columnist traffics in snark, the other in low-IQ jests. It's all part of the hapless, Hamptons-based newspaper's throwback gender politics.

Back in the Romney days, Collins referred to Seamus the dog in fifty different columns! Headline included, she starts today's timekill like this:

COLLINS (9/7/17): Our Back-to-School Quiz

Summer is so totally gone. We move on toward chilly weather, falling leaves and … wow, Donald Trump is still president. What ever happened to change when you really need it? But you’ve been paying attention anyway, right? Good concerned citizen. Take this quiz to see how much you remember.

1. ON LABOR DAY Trump sent out a tweet vowing, “We are building our future with American hands, American labor, American iron, aluminum and steel.” It also included a picture of the president and the first lady, who was wearing …

A. American iron, aluminum, steel
B. A dress from Italy
C. The very same outfit she wore on her first date.

The first question in the back-to-school quiz dealt with Melania's dress! "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow," the deities literally said.

(Trust us! That's as close as the Times will come to covering a back-to-school issue.)

The gods left us with a warning last night concerning that opening question. "The lizards will claim that this foreign-born dress deserves our attention," they said.

We agree with the Olympians' general point. We the liberals, happy as clams, have been focusing on Melania's shoes; on Melania's dress; and on Louise Linton's boasts about her brands. In the end, we just aren't up to playing this game. Everyone knows this but us.

Worst of all, we humans aren't able to grasp what we're hearing when the "philosophers" share their wisdom with the brainiacs on NPR! As one did last week!

The gods have sworn that they'll let us return to Professor Appiah tomorrow—to his chat last Wednesday with Brian Lehrer, he of NPR.

The gods have sworn they won't visit tonight. "Collins was always a sign of the fail," the mournful gods said, then departed.

Tomorrow: Highest intellect! NPR tackles the puzzling road along Princeton's railroad tracks!