Latest dispatch from the realm: Gail Collins stopped trying years ago. But she still writes her regular column.
This Saturday, her regular column concerned the latest sex stories. She started with "the Pennsylvania district where Republican Tim Murphy, a strong anti-abortion conservative, had to resign after he got caught urging his lover to have an abortion if she got pregnant."
From there, she moved to "the district next door, where the former lover has announced she’s running against a Democratic incumbent."
Next came last week's "special election for the Kentucky State House of Representatives in a rural district." What was the hook about that election, what with its 15 percent turnout rate? The election occurred because the incumbent, "who was also the bishop of an evangelical church, killed himself in December after he was accused of sexually assaulting a 17-year-old parishioner."
From there, it was on to Missouri, where the incumbent governor "tied his naked lover to a piece of exercise equipment and took her picture."
It was delicious stuff. "See, you’re already getting interested and I haven’t gotten anywhere near the connection to the November Senate races," Collins wonderfully wrote at one point. If only the Times would let her link to the audio of the Bentley sex tape!
In theory, it's possible to write a column about such matters in order to state some actual point. It's hard to see how anyone could think that Collins was trying to do that.
Increasingly, Collins is sending these dispatches from the realm of deep upper-class indifference. Are children being shot in school? Collins would rather do this.
At one point, Colins offered this pensee about the Missouri matter:
This story leaves those of us who do not live in Missouri with several questions. One of which, of course, is, “What kind of person is this?”What kind of person is this! We often ask that very question when we encounter these columns by Collins. Also, what kind of person would publish a nation's most famous newspaper and put dreck like this in print?
No, really. What kind of person does that?
In Florida, 15-year-old high school students say they can't sleep at night. By way of contrast, Lady Collins' sweet dreams come to us in this manner.
What kinds of publishers publish such dreck? As our failing nation slides toward the sea, we'll ponder such questions all week.
On the bright side: No mention of Seamus!