Campaign watch: Sex, wild statements and audiotape!


That massive, massive, massive Democratic turnout in Idaho:
We're forced to report that it happened again.

Last Wednesday night, a certain major cable star burned up two-thirds of her nightly program with sexy, SALACIOUS AUDIO featuring Alabama's Governor Bentley.

(It was "huge national news," this major TV star said.)

Bentley was audiotaped while he spoke on the phone with his apparent girl friend. (This woman is described as his "mistress" by our big cable star.) Our big cable star let us enjoy the SALACIOUS AUDIO, which isn't really all that salacious, but does include the word "breasts."

Last night, this major star did it again. Midway through her show, she devoted a nine-minute segment to a replay of some of the audiotape, with a few tremendously inconsequential new seconds thrown in.

Is there any way we can book Kenneth Starr to guest host the cable star's program?

This major star is sometimes called The Nun, in part because of her puritanism, but mostly because of her soul-sucking love of punishment for The Others. Where possible, she likes to punish the children of Others too, not just The Others themselves.

In this case, there seems to be no way to do that. So last night, she slimed one of Bentley's aides, whose only offense is that his name was mentioned on one of the sexy-time tapes.

We can't link you to videotape of last night's segment. Perhaps in embarrassment, the cable star's staffers or owners decided not to post it.

That said:

While we're here, let's review a peculiar thing the cable star said last Tuesday night. It involves the "massive, massive, massive Democratic voter turnout" at last week's Idaho caucuses.

Say what? You're surprised to hear that there was a "massive, massive, massive Democratic voter turnout" at the Idaho caucuses? So were we, when we heard the cable star make the claim last Tuesday.

She was sitting right next to Brian Williams, who has told a whopper or three himself. Still, we're reporting what the cable star said:

Idaho had seen a "massive, massive, massive Democratic voter turnout" at its caucuses, which Candidate Sanders won in a walk.

The cable star went on to explain what the whole thing meant. According to this major star, those results "bolster Bernie Sanders' overall theory of the case, that he wins, and Democrats more broadly win, when there is large turnout."

Remember, the major cable star said these things. We can't blame Brian this time!

Friend, just how massive was the Democratic turnout at those Idaho caucuses? According to the New York Times, the total turnout was this:


We're sorry, but that isn't massive. Here's why we say that:

In 2008, Candidate Obama got 236,440 votes in Idaho in the general election. Today, Idaho's population is roughly ten percent larger, but only about ten percent of that 2008 Democratic vote turned out for the caucuses. That doesn't strike us as huge.

The major star said several times that Tuesday's turnout smashed Idaho's all-time record. That would almost be impressive, except for the fact that Idaho never had any serious caucuses before 2008.

The all-time record, by far, was set in 2008. This was the turn-out that year:


The turnout was about ten percent larger this year. So is the state's population.

On the brighter side, we noticed something interesting when we were checking the cable star's latest claim. This observation may help us see the nature of caucuses, as opposed to primaries.

Once again, we return to 2008:

In that year, Idaho conducted its caucuses on February 5. Candidate Obama swamped Candidate Clinton, winning the bulk of Idaho's delegates to the Democratic National Convention.

Those caucuses were held on February 5. But get this! Three months later, Idaho held a Democratic primary which, on the presidential level, served as a "beauty contest."

Idaho's caucuses actually counted that year; Idaho's primary didn't. But so what? The turnout for the primary was almost exactly twice as large:
Democratic voter turnout, Idaho, 2008
Caucuses: 21,221
Primary: 42,802
That 42,802 wasn't massive either. But it was much larger than the caucus turnout this year.

People, guess what? Traditionally, the caucus system was designed to hold down voter turnout, restricting participation to party insiders. But no–by any measure, there was no "massive, massive, massive Democratic voter turnout" in Idaho last week.

Final point: caucuses may not produce a good sample of voter sentiment in a state. In 2008, Obama won the Democratic caucuses and the Democratic primary. But his victory margins differed substantially. Here's the way she went:
Democratic results, Idaho, 2008
Caucuses: Obama 79.5%, Clinton 17.2%
Primary: Obama 56.0%, Clinton 37.7%
The caucuses were a massive runaway; the primary was much closer. Caucuses may not provide a random sample of a state's electorate.

At any rate, there was no massive, massive, massive turnout in Idaho last week. When we see our cable star emitting these Brian-sized whoppers, a funny thought pops into our head:

We're better off when this big cable star just plays her salacious tapes!


  1. This major star is sometimes called The Nun

    Really? An unattributed, passive-voiced someone calls her that? Who?

  2. Yes Bob, Maddow is a major cable star and you are not nor will you ever be one. And it is devouring your soul with jealousy and envy.

    1. Obviously his soul is being devoured by deadly sins. He did make a good point about her misstatements though.

  3. I liked the Ken Starr reference. Right on the money.

  4. Not unlike Kenneth Starr, Rache obviously enjoys sniffing through a stranger's underwear drawer.

    1. Kind of like Bob's dad made the family fortune
      parading ladies on stage dancing in and taking off their underwear?

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  6. It wasn't a long post by our minor comedian-turned faltering vanity blogger: around 850 words from the minor internet dabbler. But in it the ex-comic now-blogger managed to repeat a variation of a sarcastic description of the subject of the post at least 18 times.

    In our view this is not the typical repetition found in the vanity postings of this minor blogospherian. Nor do we find it a sign of his advancing age, something he is referring to with greater and greater frequency as his minor blog, like his comedy career and even his time in this realm, slips away unnoticed.

    People guess what? We think this seems to say the former stand-up second banana can blog away with the best without mentioning his deadly foes by name. This will teach those readers disloyal to his minor vanity blog to point out how many times in a row, or days in a row his failed comedic pen has blogged about the wealthy object of his obsession.

    This minor comic/blogger is often called Al Gores's Former Roommate because that happenstance fact from his late childhood is either better known or considered more important than anything else he accomplished in the fifty years he has been on his own since.

    Final point: if you needed this post to understand caucuses are designed for less participation than primaries, you probably took more philosophy courses than history or political science than our comedian-devolved-into-minor-blogger did when he wasted four years at a very good college which usually produces more productive the legacy politician our minor blogger once lived with and invokes regularly to this his vanity blog...which is minor and a refuge from an onstage career in comedy.

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