DEBATES: As CNN tries to figure it out...

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2024

...a cancer grows on the world:  Did somebody "win" last Tuesday's debate? If so, by how much?

Let's make our question a bit more precise:

Will one of the candidates end up receiving additional votes based on what happened on Tuesday night?

Especially in the short run, there's no real way to answer that question. Even in the longer run, there will likely never be any real way to do so.

Still, our nation's various "news orgs" are inclined to pretend to try. Before we review an attempt by CNN, let's review a sacred event on the Fox News Channel last night.

Last night, one of the channel's biggest stars had reached his sixtieth birthday.

(Full disclosure! We each attended high schools along the Alameda. He's a graduate of Catholic Serra High. We went to public school Aragon.)

At any rate, the birthday boy celebrated this latest accomplishment in some of the standard ways:

His owners had cherry-picked a handful of incidents—incidents in which a handful of undecided voters said the debate had led them to favor Candidate Trump. 

His owners had carefully picked and chosen the examples he would offer. Also, and inevitably, the fellow was soon saying this about the undecideds who say they've now broken for Trump:

GUTFELD (9/12/24): They're worried about affording gas and groceries, and she said nothing to allay those fears. 

And you'd think she'd be good at a laying, at least according to Willie Brown.

[PHOTO OF BROWN APPEARS. MIXED REACTION FROM AUDIENCE]

I know! That was in bad taste.

Candidate Harris would be good at "a laying!" Ha ha ha ha ha!

For the record, this was part of the birthday boy's imitation of an issues discussion. It wasn't part of his nightly handful of opening jokes. 

Inevitably, the fellow had gone straight to the sexual insult. When he did, Dana Perino sat there and took it, just like nothing has happened. 

This is standard fare on this "cable news" program. Thirty seconds earlier, the birthday boy had offered this bit of analysis:

GUTFELD: When the [New York] Times says voters are not so sure, it means we're [BLEEP]ing our pants like Biden after judging a chili cookoff.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

That statement didn't even exactly seem to make sense. But in the end, this is (almost) all this fellow actually has. 

In fairness, he had seemed a bit unsure in the wake of Tuesday evening's debate when his primetime "cable news" program went back on the air Wednesday night.

For once, the fellow almost seemed to have it on mute. But even then, two of his D-list comedian guests had offered these thoughtful analyses:

LOFTUS (9/11/24): I thought Trump had an amazing night. I mean, he signed up for a debate and got fight club—and did that, against like three different people. I would have left the room.

Because you look at the moderators, who look like they just came off the set of Dick Tracy, right?...And then Kamala-La-La-Ding-Dong strolls in, looking like Count Chocula.

According to this cable news analyst, "Kamala-La-La-Ding-Dong" had strolled onto the set of the debate, "looking like Count Chocula!" 

Was this manifest flyweight inserting some racial plays here? You'll have to judge that for yourself. One minute later, D-List Comedian 2 was thoughtfully offering this:

TIMPF: I also think—look I think Republicans might have done a disservice by setting the bar so low for Kamala that she formed complete sentences and people were like, "Wow!" right?

GUTFELD: Yeah.

According to D-List Comedian 2, Kamala-La-La-Ding-Dong had somehow managed to form complete sentences at Tuesday night's debate.

All in all, this seems to be (almost) the best these people can do. For the record, at 10:05 that night, the host of the program, still just 59 years old, had offered this bit of analysis:

GUTFELD: It was clear that Linsey Davis and David Muir gave Kamala the easiest night she's had since Willie Brown ran out of Viagra.

[PHOTO OF BROWN. LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]

Terrible! I apologize.

In the end, it's (almost) all this idiot has. But for the record, this can is opened every night, in prime time, in the guise of "cable news."

In our view, a cancer is growing on the society as this garbage can spills every night. Also, a cancer is growing on the society as high-order beings at our finer news orgs pretend that there's nothing to see here.

Kathleen Kingsbury is chair of the New York Times editorial board. In our view, a cancer is growing on the society as she refuses to comment on Donald J. Trump's disordered behavior, or on the nightly performances which are presented on the garbage can currently under review.

Back to our original question! Who may end up gaining votes because of Tuesday's debate?

Last evening, in a parody of journalism, the birthday boy pretended to examine that question. Consider the way he handled CNN's post-debate interviews with 13 "undecided" voters in Erie County, Pa.

For the record, some of these undecided voters may not have been fully undecided as Tuesday's debate began:

Phil Mattingly handled the session for CNN. Here's what happened when he spoke with one of the undecideds—with an undecided voter who has now decided in favor of Candidate Trump, as is her perfect right:

MATTINGLY (9/10/24): Were you leaning towards the former president coming in tonight?

UNDECIDED VOTER #1: Probably.

MATTINGLY: And did you vote for him in 2016 or 2020?

UNDECIDED VOTER #1: I did.

MATTINGLY: So, a decision made there. 

She has decided that she'll be voting for Candidate Trump. That said, is it possible that CNN could have found someone in Erie County who was perhaps more undecided coming in?

Surely, someone had been more undecided! At any rate, here's what the thirteen Undecideds said during the CNN session:

Of the thirteen Undecideds in Erie County, nine said that Harris had won the debate. Four said Trump had won. 

During a pair of segments, Mattingly interviewed five of the voters. Of those five, three said they had now decided for to vote Harris, two said they'd be voting for Trump.

Stating the obvious, those voters can vote any way they like! That said, the birthday boy played the tape from Undecided Voter #1 and from nobody else. He didn't mention the larger breakdown in the reactions of the Erie County 13.

This is the way the news gets sifted, all through the bulk of the day, at this particular "news channel." The sifting starts at 5 a.m. and continues all through the night. 

Undecided voters are deciding for Trump, viewers were told last night. The birthday boy picked and chose the footage he showed to his laughing, applauding audience.

Also, the fellow engaged in his standard sexual insults. As he did, Perino acted like nothing had happened. Kingsbury plays it the same.

For better or worse, this is us the American people as we actually are. Rather, this is some of us the people, perhaps as we are at our worst.

The people who own the birthday boy are paying him millions of dollars to do this. You aren't allowed to know how many millions he's getting paid, and the New York Times isn't going to ask.

Last night, a Californian who's now 60 years old served his usual platter of sexual insults. Inevitably, he also talked about President Biden [BLEEP]ing his pants. 

From our former perch, one mile up the Alameda, we can't tell you how this furious fellow ever got to be this way.

(So you'll know: The birthday boy's owners BLEEP the word "sh*t." They allow the word "poop" to sail through.)

That's what happened in last evening's sacking of journalism. Saturday night, Brian Kilmeade even brought Judge Joe Brown out on the air.

Brown had called Harris "a piece of shit." He'd also called her a "humping hyena."

This made him perfect for a fellow like Kilmeade and also for the Fox News Channel. At the Times, Kingsbury (and others) know that they must never report or discuss such facts.

Final note:

There's little we can reliably learn from thirteen Undecideds. 

As Ed McMahon might have said, How undecided were they? Also, their statements were anecdotal all the way down, even as nine of the thirteen said that Harris had won.

That's what nine of the thirteen said! On Fox, the birthday boy emitted his standard slime, after which he wagged his tail and completely forgot to say that.

A cancer is growing on the world as these gong-show behaviors continue. Next week, we're going to call attention to an attendant point:

Candidate Harris may win in November! (She's going to get our vote.) But in a thousand different ways, we denizens of Blue America have conspired to earn our way out.

Links to the Mattingly files: In the aftermath of the debate, Mattingly spoke with the Erie County 13 in two different segments—first at the end of Tuesday's 11 p.m. hour, then again after midnight.

For the transcript of the first segment, you can just click here. CNN failed to create a transcript of the following hour.

For videotape of that first segment, you can just click this. To see what was said in the second segment, you can start by clicking here.

Nine of the 13 said Harris had won! As long as you're watching the Fox News Channel, you won't be permitted to hear that.