Stormy Daniels rejected: Near the end of last evening's 8 o'clock hour, lusty cheers broke out in the analysts' viewing chambers.
We rushed in to see what had happened—and we had to forgive the young analysts. At the start of an interview with Anderson Cooper, they had seen Bernie Sanders say this:
COOPER (3/7/18): I'm joined now by former 2016 Democratic presidential hopeful, Senator Bernie Sanders. Thanks for being with us.Coop just thought he'd ask.
I do want to ask you one question about this thing. Do you think it would have made any difference had this information about this particular alleged affair [with Stormy Daniels] had come out during the election?
SANDERS: Probably not. And I got to tell you, Anderson, there are enormous problems facing our country.
COOPER: I knew you were going to say this.
SANDERS: That's right.
There are millions of people have no health—you know, people are going crazy with deductibles and co-payments who can't pay high cost of prescription drugs. We haven't dealt with immigration reform and DACA. We've got a gun crisis out there. All over the country people say, "Let's do something," making sure our schools are safe. And what are we talking about over and over again? Stormy Daniels.
Let me respectfully suggest that I do not think Stormy Daniels is one of the major issues facing our country.
COOPER: I knew you were going to answer that but thought I'd ask anyway.
At any rate, it was hard to fault the analysts for cheering a statement like Sanders'. Citizens, let's take stock:
Based upon all indications, Donald J. Trmp had a consensual relationship with someone in the year 2006. Can you think of any reason why anyone with an ounce of sense would give a flying felafel about that?
That said, the consenting party was a porn star, and she has extremely large breasts! Those opioid addicts can go hang in the yard. We want to talk about this!
Sanders was telling Cooper to take this prurient interest and shove it. A few hours earlier, we'd seen Rep. Himes take a similar approach:
BLITZER (3/7/18): We're joined by Congressman Jim Himes. He's a Democrat. He's a key member of the House Intelligence Committee. Congressman, thanks for joining us.We thought Himes was very good. A few hours later, Bernie topped him.
HIMES: Good evening, Wolf.
BLITZER: Is it plausible that President Trump didn't know about Michael Cohen's $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels or his continued efforts to silence her, most recently with this apparent arbitration last week?
HIMES: Wolf, this is one of those things where we're talking about a Russian attack on our election, our response, and somehow we get dragged into a conversation over whether the president knew that a porn star had reached some sort of settlement.
That said, all over cable, they were were selling Stormy Daniels last night. More precisely, they were selling the product called Stormy Daniels, and the product called The Chase.
Those are the products these con men sell. After he finished his weekend with Bernie, Cooper teased his upcoming 9 o'clock hour:
"There's much more ahead, including new details about the lawsuit filed on behalf of Stormy Daniels against President Trump."
Yay yay yay yay yay! With a hat tip to Bill Maher, blood rushed to new parts of our pseudolib bodies. We'd be serviced by Cooper all night!
Just for the record: The children were all saying last night that the $130,000 might be a campaign finance violation.
There are such violations in every campaign. They typically lead to nothing beyond a campaign being fined.
Gennifer Flowers played this game first. Prehuman swamp things that we are, we like this game every time!